Welcome to the Dark Side (Ep. 1 Part 1) | Escape from the Bloodkeep

Welcome to the Dark Side (Ep. 1 Part 1) | Escape from the Bloodkeep

August 19, 2019 100 By Stanley Isaacs


(upbeat music) (intense orchestral music) (thunder booms) (epic orchestral music) – Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to Dimension 20, and our first ever side quest, Escape from the Bloodkeep. I am your humble Dungeonmaster,
Brennan Lee Mulligan. With me are my friends, Rekha Shankar. – Hello, hello. – [Brennan] Matthew Mercer. – Hello everyone. – [Brennan] Amy Vorpahl. – Hi. – [Brennan] Mike Trapp. – Hello. – [Brennan] Erika Ishii. – It’s me. – [Brennan] And Ify Nwadiwe. – Your boy. (laughs) – Well, without further ado, we’re going to before our
very first side quest, a tale of evil and darkness, Escape from the Bloodkeep. Behold a land of ash and shadow, choked by sunless and starless skies. The vast plains of Krahlravenwrath, smoking with craters and the
breeding pits of orcish armies. Spiders, wargs, and bats
cover the land of Gorgar, whose armies seek to forever stomp out the forces of light
within the world of Elna. Beyond the Bog of Despair and the towering mountains
that surround the Door of Doom, past even Rorororokendrath,
the scary volcano, there rises, endlessly towards the sky, a towering fortress of
vast obsidian might, who seeks to pluck the
very stars from the sky, Azagnuar, the Bloodkeep, and atop its upmost spire, the flaming maw of
Zoulnazh, Lord of Shadows, who bends his ceaseless will
to the unmaking of the world. Forever stand the Bloodkeep and
woe betide its foes forever! Within the Bloodkeep, this vast obsidian fortress, where we see our various heroes, or should I say villains, we are going to zoom deep
within the Bloodkeep where gears and chains crank and orcs call out, trolls lumber, goblins
chitter and scurry about, and spiders spin their
webs deep, deep, deep. In the bowels of the
Bloodkeep lies a chamber of gray marble, frigid cold, and mist. Within it, the Pool of Souls, an oracular pool where the spirits of the dead commune with the living. Floating within the Pool of Souls, her eyes rolled back in her head as she communes with the spirits here, we see the Farseer, the dark oracle and soothsayer of the forces of darkness,
Efink Murderdeath. Amy, would you please describe
your character for us. (laughs) – Yes, she is a high elf. She is a cleric. She’s beautiful. As an elven person, it’s very difficult to
find any part of her ugly. She’s pale, everything’s
pale, pale skin, pale hair. She found that a little bit
too basic and realized that when she joined the Dark Lord’s forces, a lot of people are scared of wet hair. (laughs) She has leaned in and
every part of her whisping, kind of almost Grecian
robes that she dangles. They’re all wet, everything’s just like
very wet all the time, and the hair is in her face, so she’s doing her best to look scary, but actually is always very hot. (laughs) When her eyes roll back in
her head, it also is hot, so everything’s hot. Oh, she’s wearing a tiara, and she normally has a bone with her, which is a skull that she calls her bone. Yeah, that’s what she looks like. – Wonderful. Efink if floating in freezing cold water, just barely above the point
where it could become ice. The chill in your bones eases
the passing of your mind’s eye from here into the realm of spirits. You feel them now moving around you. (whispers) Efink,
(raspy breathing) we see and we tell all. Let her of the farsight
know that which she wishes. What questions, Queen of Sight, do you wish to have answered? – I go full Galadriel photo negative, (laughs) and say we have accomplished
much in this time. What is the next task for
dominion over the realm for our Dark Lord of Shadows? (explodes) – Mist rises from the water
as you see a flaming crown, the last crown of Zoulnazh, a talisman which contains all
of his vast and mighty power. (whooshes) You feel spirits fling far and wide. We search, your Highness,
we search and search, as well we may. (inhales) You see the spirits of these
three Norns appear around you, Avaziel, Azra, and Ogra. My queen, we have searched and searched. The crown– – No, no, Avaziel is my favorite. You speak. (laughs) – You see that Avaziel goes, “okay.” (laughs) – Yes, your flattery of me last time did not go unnoticed. – You of the Farsight, Efink Murderdeath, when you roll your eyes back in your head, it’s super cool. Everyone loves it. You look resplendent, and when you go all black
and white like that, I mean people just die. – Yes, that is what you said last time. – You see that she says, The crown yet lies in shadow, though the Vinguri hunt for it with all their terrible
will, but a vision for you. This is the final hour of
the forces of your light. Your father. (whooshes) And you see Telmir the Calm,
the lord of Careblethwyn, rallies now with Kazara the Beige, and the Ranger of the North. – Oh shit. Fucking shit, get that man out of my life. – I am sorry. We can only tell you what
may yet come to pass. I know that if it were
in our power to make you not have to run in with
your ex-, we for sure would. – Thank you, Aznar, Aznir– – I’m Azra, she’s Ogra, this is Avaziel. – Yes, Avaziel is my favorite. – I know, I don’t make of
an impression as Avaziel. Avaziel goes no, you’re trying, it’s good. (laughs) Avaziel caresses your cheek
and whispers in your ear and says my lady, though your father and
your, I guess still husband. (groans) Sorry. (screams) They’re all zapped by your power. (screams) – A dark lord, a queen shall replace you. (screams) – You see Azra goes (breathes deeply) Okay, it’s Azra’s time
to shine, let do it, steps up to your ear. This is the day where the Lord of Shadows will forever conquer the world
of men, elves, and dwarves. His crown shall be
reclaimed this day, my lady. (whooshes) And you awake in your pool. (water splashes)
(laughs) – Um, is there anyone
around to share this? I climb out, I definitely climb out, pick my wedgie, (laughs) – Go ahead and give me either arcana or religion as a skill check. – Okay, and that was
Avaziel, Azra, and Orga. – Ogra. – Ogra. We will do, you want religion or– – Religion or arcana, whatever you think your
character would use for their oracular ability. – Oracular. Yeah, I think arcana. – Cool, go for it. – Let’s just do that. That is a dirty 20. – A dirty 20, hell yeah, love it. As you step out of the pool, you get a vision in your mind of someone sort of nearby to you. You foresee yourself
walking from the halls here, someone else that stays in the
bowels of the tower with you. You’re quite near Lilith’s
cavern, if you wanted to go– – Oh perfect. – You’re quite near Lilith’s cavern. Also with that dirty 20, you have one final flash of insight that you’re not quite sure what it is. It doesn’t feel like your other visions, if I’m being honest, because this one doesn’t
make you feel like good about yourself and positive, and your best visions are the ones that psyche you up and make
you feel good about yourself. You see a weird– – Then what I do is, there’s a mirror as you exit the pool, and like I have a moment
with the mirror because… if you’ve ever done a
bath or one of those… – Sensory deprivation? – Sensory deprivation tanks, and you’re like, “Wow, okay,
everything is normal and cool,” and then you walk out, there are these mirrors
and you’re like, “Oh shit. My corporeal body is still,” you know? (laughs) Still an awkward fucking human. – You come from the earth. Don’t you ever forget it!
(laughs) You’re made of dust and mud. – [Amy] Exactly. – When you were in the Pool of Souls, your hair was like flowing and this crazy fucking awesome
thing, and now it’s like (blows raspberry)
(water splashes) all on the side of your face
and you’re looking at yourself drip, drip, drip, drip. (laughs) – Everything’s sticking to me. – I forgot my spanx. – You grab your staff stolen
from the Wizard Randolf, and you hold it and you
look at yourself there in the mirror, and you see for a minute a vision that occurs in just a slight moment, and there’s a pang of urgency, but this is the kind of
vision that you don’t like because it bums you out a little bit, and it’s confusing. You like when your visions are clear. – That I might interpret that maybe as if my father is about to die, maybe that doesn’t make me
feel great, but I can’t tell. – Yeah, you see, it could be that. It could be like some weird thing where these spirits are
trying to mess with you on your big day or something like that. You see an image of a, for a moment, of Zoulnazh as a younger Eiru spirit, back when he was fully
corporeal and had a body, and you see him at a fountain of blood. You don’t know its significance, and it doesn’t appear to
be telling you anything, but you just get that vision for a second. – At it, like looking
at it, standing near it? – Yeah, you’re not in the vision, just in the mirror for
a moment you (whooshes) it comes like a flash so quickly that you could almost be like, like aftereffect of the cool vision where I found out we were gonna win, or sort of like some weird bullshit, but you do get a, with that 20, you do get a little moment of that. Then Lilith is further on down the hall. We are going to cut over now. (whooshes) Shadows as the oracle
strides down the hallways that become more and
more cover in cobwebs. (laughs) (whooshes) Falling shadows,
we hear the screams of dancing goblins, and the
screams begin to morph into (growls) growls and (howls) howls and we move away from
the beautiful masonry obsidian into rough hewn red rock, and the stink of midden heaps
and hay and blood and bones, and (snarls) snarling beasts. We are at the Warg Pits (laughs)
where we see goblin wolves (growls) snarling at each other. We see that there is a lumbering troll with an enormous wagon of loose body parts from orcs and goblins that have
died in industrial hazards, (laughs) so like severed limbs,
heads, stuff like that. The orc is moving along, and we hear hungry
scraping as wargs (snarls) try to come up and get out of their pits. We see also that there is some
chained drakes and wyverns. We see enormous aurochs, like prehistoric 30-foot tall musk oxen with crazy piercings in their nose that are all chained up elsewhere. It smells worse here than it does anywhere else in this world. (laughs) It is feeding time at the Beast Pits, and of course directing
the way of the limb wagon is the one and only Sokhbarr the Boglord. – Hello. (laughs) Mike, please tell us what
your character’s up to. – Yes, so this is Sokhbarr the Boglord. He is of the kashai race. For the viewers at home, we just skinned it onto a half-orc. (laughs) He is an ancient prehistoric
weird swamp creature, like horns and turtle shell and sort of crocodilian teeth, a big kind of lizard goat crazy fucking nightmare creature from the swamp. Big, strong, two big ol’ axes. I guess I’m here just
grabbing some of these limbs and doing that thing like
if you’ve ever seen people with a lot of pets that goes around, Okay, okay, everyone’s gonna get some. (snarls) Calm down, Jessica, calm down. Here you go, here you go. Everyone gets some. Everyone get them some. Okay, jump, jump, jump. (barks and growls) – You see that, yeah, it’s this insane bunch of fucking crenshaw come
over that peel their flesh and their exposed skulls
are gnawing at it. All of these beasts that
wish only terrible harm on all living things just love Sokhbarr. – I sing them a little song and say, oh, something in your teeth, what’s that? (snarls) – See that there’s a full
finger bone in there. (pants)
– Oh, that had to have hurt. (laughs) – You hear a bounding noise nearby. You’re just feeding all
these beasts that are kind of getting prepared to go to war. The vibe in the Beast
Pits right now is like, the wargs are gonna be released, the aurochs are gonna lead
these siege weapons here. You’re preparing for the final push of the armies of Gorgar
finally flooding out into the free world. You hear this (galloping) and you see that this
enormous warg rolls up to you. This is one of the few wargs
that can actually talk here. You see this warg named
Beezo runs up and goes, hi, it’s Beezo. Master Sokhbarr, you’re
not gonna believe it. I think J’er’em’ih’s about to give birth. – What? – I think he’s about to give birth. – Where is he? – Just come on, come on. You see the troll go, “Daddy’s ’bout ta give birth?” and points to the limb wagon. – I’m sorry, didn’t catch that. What was that? Daddy’s ’bout ta give birth? Yeah, you know what? Just throw the limbs around. Make sure everyone gets some. – “Okay.” Just starts hurling limbs just willy-nilly all over the ground. (sloshing and squishing) You rush over to the wonderful J’er’em’ih,
your animal companion, the last scream beast that you rescued from their possible death and extinction of J’er’em’ih’s species, your bonding moment all
those long years ago. You see that J’er’em’ih
who looks just hellish. He is a, he is quadrupedal kind of, but is like a lizard frog
beaked squid crab with, he’s got prehensile eye stalks where his two eyes move around, and his head is like a weird blowfish, like it kind of inflates a little bit, and he’s got a beak on the front of it, (sighs) and he’s two wings but can’t fly because the wings are
atrophied and too small, and two tails, hooves, and he’s got a pair of
clawed hands above his hips on his hind legs,
– Oh no. – [Brennan] with no arms so
they can’t reach anything unless he moves his butt up against them. He’s got like butt hands. (laughs) – He’s so majestic. (laughs) I can’t believe these creatures (laughs)
just come from the earth. – Why would anyone want to kill one? – A miracle of nature. – You see that J’er’em’ih, his head is just swelling enormously. He’s over in his pen right now. There’s a bunch of dead
goblin parts around, of goblins he’s been eating, and you see he’s going (throaty gobbling) – J’er’em’ih, you doin’ okay there, buddy? (throaty gobbling) (laughs) – Go ahead and give me either a medicine or an animal handling check. – Great, let’s do that. 11 plus 8, so 19. – 19, perfect. You know immediately. You lean down, you start to stroke him. You help J’er’em’ih start to breathe. Birth is a very difficult
process for scream beasts because number one, they mostly don’t give birth
to other scream beasts. – Mm, yeah. – And they also have no birth canal, so the thing, they have
a functioning womb, but no way for the thing
in there to get out. (laughs) (gags) – These things should exist, definitely. – It’s a tragedy that so
many people have tried to wipe these things from the earth. (laughs) – Can’t the butt hands help in some way? – Oh, like easing, pulling it out – You do see that the butt hands appear to be flailing for something. They want– – Put some ice chips in there. – He’s gonna start to rub
ice chips on the back, and you see that a bunch
of just huge blisters start to form on his ass from the ice, like the ice is burning him, but he seems to like it. Scream beasts are hard to understand. You see that his head swells
and swells and swells, even more and you see
Beezo looks on and says, crikey, that’s just beautiful
to watch, look at him. (gasps) You see the head swells, and a little seam (squish) bursts on top of his head and (wheezes) just green poison steam escapes. Truly sounds like a train approaching. (laughs) You see that a fully-formed, it looks like a goblin crustacean centaur, like a goblin torso on top of a crab body, but with two goblin heads. One of them has eyes and no mouth, and the other head just
has a mouth and no eyes. You see this thing scuttles
out of J’er’em’ih’s head, and you see that the one
that has no eyes goes, (screams) what am I? (laughs)
– Oh buddy. – What am I? – Okay, so there’s the thing, right? Somewhere in the world, someone had a nightmare and imagined you. (laughs) Now you’re just given
birth into the real world. Gosh, all right, well, you know what? Do I have any more goblin
parts or anything on me? – Yes you do. – Oh, here, here, have some of these. – You give a pair of goblin eyes, and you see that the one with eyes grabs a little sharp rock off the ground, and stabs two holes in the
front of the other goblin’s face and jams the eyes in there. You see the thing,
they’re not eye sockets, just bleeding holes in
the front of his head, but now have sort of blood-covered
eyes in there and goes, (gasps) I was just born? (groans) – J’er’em’ih, it’s a boy. (laughs) – You see as J’er’em’ih looks
over at the thing and goes (throaty gobbling) and nuzzles your chest and begins to cry out of his eye stalks with just a sort of maternal/paternal pride. You see that Beezo looks over and says, right, so now, you were just born, so we’re gonna get you a
name soon, but number one, who do you serve? It’s like, I just got here. Who do you serve? – Go on, who do you serve? (laughs) – He looks around and the one
with no mouth kind of looks and shrugs with its one arm and it goes, Zoulnazh, Lord of Shadows. – Oh my god, yeah, it’s Zoulnazh, okay. – No, I think I get it,
okay, I serve Zoulnazh. All right, I’m gonna go get
some kind of weird weapon. And you see (gurgles) scuttles off and you see J’er’em’ih kind of cries and dabs its eyes on its own fur. – Hey buddy, go on. Somewhere, sometime, someone
is gonna have a nightmare about a scream beast, and
there’ll be another scream beast in this world, right?
(throaty gobbling) – You see that Beezo looks
over at you and says, well, I think it’s really been a day for the forces of darkness. I would say this, though. I don’t want to get your hopes
up, but there’s been a rumor that a species that we thought
was gone might be back. – What? – Some of the wargs came
back from long patrol, and they said that it was a dropping. He brings you over to a concrete onyx turd the size of a house. – Oh my god. – That looks like a lava mog waste to me. – Oh, hell yeah. (laughs) Can I maybe like chip
into it or investigate it? I feel like– – Yeah. – Get a sense of this is some sort of… – [Brennan] Go ahead and
give me a nature check. – Cool. That is an 8 plus 6, so 14. – You chip into it a little bit, and a splurt of lava comes out. It’s for sure a lava mog. Lava mogs are truly colossal size. They rival dragons in terms of size. They are not aquatic. They are volcanic, so they swim and live in magma. You thought the last of them were gone. The last lava mog probably was not seen since Zoulnazh was corporeal. This is a fresh lava mog. – This is really something. This is great, this is great, because if there’s more of these, that means we can get, we
can start a breeding program. We can get more and more lava mogs. We can make the whole world overrun with morelava mogs if we want. (laughs) Beezo goes all right, this is amazing. The thought of– – Where did they find this? – They found it, well, they supposedly found it
out near the scary volcano. – Scary volcano. All right. – You hear up above you (screeches) and you begin to see wyverns
circling the top of the tower. The Vinguri are returning. You can see that their wyverns look like extremely like tired and worn
for wear and hungry up there. – He’s always riding
those wyverns too hard. (laughs) He just treats them as a
thing and not like as a, god. All right. – Beezo says you’ll go
take care of the wyverns. I’ll talk about this later with you. – Yeah, yeah. – You see Beezo runs off, and with that, (whoosh) in the gathering storm
clouds above the Bloodkeep, five wyverns with five dark
riders circle the Bloodkeep. (swoops) Armor and robes, tattered and rotting, the visages empty and hollow. Knights of undeath, and first and foremost among them, Kraz-thun the Umbra Knight,
astride his mighty wyvern, with Griefmaker, the runeblade of sorrow. This king of the Pactwraiths, Matt, would you describe
your character for us? – Yes. (laughs) As the majestic enshadowed
wyvern lands atop the obsidian shelf that
sits astride the top of the high peak of the Bloodkeep, you watch as Kraz-thun, upper chest and torso emblazoned
with dark black iron armor that comes to a series of
dozens of hooks and sharp edges. You can see the blackened
robes kind of flowing as the wind pushes back. This singular helmet itself crowned with about eight or nine sharpened spires that kind of hook backward. From within, you can see
the very very faint slits of metallic armor that
leaves these vacuous spaces where there’s a dull blue
glow where the eyes should be. As it steps off the
wyvern, his feet heavily (crunches) onto the obsidian floor, tosses the chain to
one of the nearby orcs, and begins to step towards the
entrance to the tower spire. – You see that the other
vinguri move and fall into rank and file behind you. The doors, with no need for servants, open before you in this place. As you, (breathes) Not only do you walk, but you glide several inches above the ground, (exhales) manifested by the pure
might of your fealty to the Lord of Shadows. You and the other Vinguri
move through this place, and even with all the dark
creatures that dwell here, things do their best to avoid the Vinguri, especially after a hunt. You see that Torbeil looks
over to you and goes, (breathes deeply) We are this close. (laughs) I mean we are truly this close. – I know, and I understand
this, Decklin, but, sorry, Torbeil, my apologies. – He looks around and says, I don’t see any goblins,
what are you doing? – Fine, fine.
– Decklin’s fine. (laughs) You see that actually that Miles looks over at you and says, Leland, I just have to say, I think we should take a moment because I think that we’ve been taking the fact that we haven’t found the
crown very hard on ourselves, and the fact that you managed to catch that halfling in the shoulder, remember when we were
fighting in those ruins? – Oh I remember. I was very proud of that moment. – You see the other four
give a little golf clap. – Thank you, and as he
pulls his helmet off, you can see the long
silvery hair strands gently, they don’t quite hit the top of the armor. They kind of drift a few
inches off of the edge and lift in their incorporeal way, shakes it back a bit and
accepts with a dull grin the applause before going, and I appreciate that, but little victories don’t
make for an overall success. Until that crown is found, well, we’re a failure, I’m a failure. – No, Leland, no. They come around you and put
their hands on you and go, you’re not a failure. We’ve been given a very hard task. Kazara the Beige, Telmir the Calm, all of them are trying
their best to stop us. Look, we all got destroyed
by a magic river. That’s hard, and we were
back at it a day later. (laughs) – You’re right, no you’re
right, you’re right. – I just hate to see you beat yourself up, and you see that Oswald
speaks up and says, Leland, honestly, you can’t beat yourself up about this stuff. If you’re gonna beat yourself up after actually managing to wound
the halfling and curse him, what am I gonna do with myself? That ranger threw a
torch right into my head. It went all the way into
the empty spot in my helmet. – Yes, no, I’m thinking maybe
we need to discuss reworking the shape and design of our helmets. – Yeah, if we can afford–
– If they’re gonna be throwing torches at us! (laughs)
– I mean, a full torch! There’s a first time for everything, but we are learning creatures, sentience above that of men. – Yes. – We can wear things that cover our faces. – That’s what I’m trying to say. You see that the others sort
of shake their head and say, well it’s really rather hard. Toby looks over at you and says, (sighs) well, look, how about this, we can beat ourselves up all we like that we haven’t found the crown yet, but wins on our side: We managed to drive them to Careblethwyn. We are poised to have our armies flood into Old Tyriath and destroy
Torkellen, the City of Stars. – I did manage to destroy Kasara’s staff. (laughs) As it shattered into a hundred pieces, I could still the sound echoing in my ear. – That was incredible. – I made a picture of
it, just as a keepsake. – Really? – Yes, yes, it’s not very good at it. – You see Oswald goes (gasps) Leland, your line work. – Thank you, I’ve been trying
to crosshatch recently. – [Brennan] It’s incredible. – Brings depth into a
two-dimensional piece I had never accepted before. – You see Decklin goes well
it’s always about perspective. That’s what you’re trying to do is you’re trying to capture those objects. What I love about your
work is it’s dynamic. It’s not a logistical drawing. It’s capturing a moment. – Right, the musculature still escapes me, but I think the overall emotion of the scene is most important thing. – You see Decklin says,
muscular escapes us all. (zips) (laughs) Well, we’re going to go
wait in cold dark rooms to be called upon again. (laughs) – Yes, you do that. – You see them say bye Leland. Good luck with the boss. Let us know how it goes. – Thank you, and uh… Thank you. (whooshes) – They all glide away from you. You see Sokhbarr come up the like bring the wyverns back down to the cages. You see Kraz-Thun having
this little art conversation with his buddies over there. (laughs) – I don’t know, he’s like
take some responsibility. (laughs) – Thank you, Sokhbarr,
really appreciate it. – Yeah, yeah. You know you need to feed them, right? (laughs) – That’s not my job. (laughs) – As you grab the wyverns,
the wyverns (screeches) nuzzle you, Sokhbarr, and
try to sting your shell, and you glide away. We drop all the way down
deep, deep, deep in the tower to a place where any goblins
or orcs who draw breath here only do so from webbed cocoons
where spiders wait to feast. Deep in one of the few unworked caverns in the bowels of the Bloodkeep, stalactites and stalagmites abounding to create lovely little places for webs to catch curious flies that
would venture down here. An enormous shape, glistening
black, armored carapace, and the visage of the
Queen of Spiders, Lilith, in her bed of webs, wakes
from restful slumber. Erika, could you describe
your character for us? – Lilith, the vile temptress, whose shadow webs ensnared kingdoms. She wakes up and she tosses
her long flowing black tresses. You see her pale, delicate elven features, and slender torso and great rack. (laughs) – All quake in terror at her great rack. – It’s spoken of throughout the land. Then you see her tear as she pulls out from her bed of webs and her vile, monstrous, creeping,
spider abdomen rears up. She dons her imposing crown that is inwrought with darkness itself, and puts on a very bondage-y outfit. (laughs) Of course she grabs the wine glass, fumbles for and grabs the
wine glass next to the bed and pours herself some Terioth’s best red. (sighs) – As Lilith looks around, you begin to, though it’s very fuzzy, both from the amount of wine
consumed the previous day, (laughs) you remember coming
down to your cavern with this truly gorgeous half-orc named Rasvan. (sighs) This guy was built. He was one of these half-orcs who, just abs and obliques and
the whole thing, barbarian. – Amazing rack. (laughs) – Yeah, radical rack. – First thing you noticed about him. – And one of those guys
that has all the orc, has the strong jaw and the hot tusks, but then like those flinty
blue eyes just like… (sighs) You look around, and you and Rasvan, you thought you really hit it off, and you don’t see him anywhere around. (gasps) – But last night was so incredible. I was incredible. (laughs) Wasn’t I? It’s happened again. It just keeps happening
with, they’re intimidated. They’re intimidated by my
prowess as an arch-general, and my 10,000 shadowbrood. – As soon as you say 10,000 shadowbrood, you hear a voice outside saying, Mom, can we come in? – Mommy needs five minutes please? – Okay, some of the orcs in the webs are getting super liquid. Can we eat early? – Yes, just help yourself. You’re big boys and girls now. – Okay. By the way, some of the treasure out here, Russ and Jason are playing
with it, and they’re– – That’s fine. Tell them to distribute it
amongst some of the teenagers. – So they do have to share, right? – They do, yes, they have to share. Sharing is caring, you all know this. – Okay, love you Mom. (crunching and scurrying) – Why am I so bloated and full? I didn’t even eat anything last night. (laughs) This always happens. She picks up pieces of maybe
like a tusk out of her teeth. Where does that come from? (laughs) Another one bites the dust. – As Lilith exits and
begins to, (crackling) massive spider legs carrying her out into the larger caverns
of the Spider Queen, you see that your thousands upon thousands of children skitter about. The little ones who are about the size of just normal spiders are all kind of screaming and yelling, hi Mom. Crawl up on your body. You see that Jessa comes up to you, one of your daughters and goes, hey Mom, should we save
some orc for your friend? – Oh, Jessa, your new uncle, well, (laughs) he went and got breakfast
on his own, I suppose. (laughs) – She looks over to Kyle
and goes like (sighs) Sorry, Mom. Honestly, he’s trash. And if he doesn’t get
it, like, truly his loss. Love you, Mom. – Jessa, you’re Mommy’s
special little girl. One day you will grow up, and you will wreak havoc
on some very lucky kingdom. – Aw, Mom, I’d be happy just
wreaking havoc with you. You see that she skitters off somewhere. Kyle looks over and says yeah, we were watching out the whole night, so he didn’t make it
out through the front, so these assholes can all
teleport, I guess, I don’t know. – Snuck out in the dead
of night, like a thief. (laughs) – Kids are all rooting for her. – Mommy’s special friends. – You see your spider
brood is big and large and getting ready to go
and make the final push. You see that one of your
teeny-tiniest little guys, Russel, Russel comes up and looks at you and says, Mom, are we going to defeat the worlds of men and elves today? – Russel, darling, it may not be today. It may not be tomorrow, but soon, soon, and of course we will ready
to amass all of your brethren. Every one of our kin shall darken the land with our shadows and our
vile creeping carapaces. – Darken the land, darken
the land, darken the land. (skitters) You see that Russel looks
up and says, is it true, did you always work for
the Lord of Shadows, Mom? – Oh, darling, no it wasn’t always so. You see, after Daddy up and disappeared, your mother had to go
back to the workforce and, well back in the day,
you all know the tales of eating the light of
the Lumini star forges– – Jason interrupts and
goes ugh, Mom, we heard it. You ate the Lumini– – Yes, it was a very big
deal back in Mommy’s day. – Whatever. Spiders my age don’t even care about that. (laughs) I don’t care. Okay, you ate some lights a long time ago. How do I eat lights now? – They were the star forges that forged all of the lights in the sky. It was a very big deal. Just sit and listen! (laughs) – Jessa says guys, stop ragging Mom. She’s having a hard time. Russell says did they
just, all the lights? Is the sun, did they do the sun too, or just the stars? – Just the stars, just
the stars, it’s fine. – Jason goes so not all
the lights in the sky? (laughs) So not all the lights in the sky? – Listen, when you grow up and you have terrifying shadowkin of your own, you just see how you like it if they don’t listen to your stories. – He says fine, whatever. I’m not even gonna have kids. I’m gonna go out into some
mountain pass somewhere and just eat a bunch of orcs. (gobbles) He skitters off. You hear approaching footsteps, and Efink, you arrive
here at Lilith’s cave. – So, how did it go? – Oh Efink, another one ran out of me. I just don’t know what I’m, no, it’s not me that’s wrong. – No.
– It’s them. – No, that’s right, and your children were
appropriately supportive? – Yes.
(laughs) Open and honest communication
about Mommy’s social life, I think, is good for
them, it’s very healthy. I just don’t know. You have to deal with all this sort of thing all the time, don’t you? – I will say that marriage
has its own problems, but no, I do not have to deal with, no. No, never mind, and in
fact, never mind forever. (laughs) I did want to actually ask you a question. I have received a vision from
my specters in my Soul Pool. – Oh, visions. – I know what you’re thinking. (laughs) This one was real. (laughs) – No shit? – Yes, shit indeed. I received a vision of the
fall of my asshole father. – Oh, well congratulations. – Thank you, no, the
Dark Lord shall take him, and take his crown, and soon. – Yes he is. I’m sure everything will work out just fine for Lord Z, as it always does. – You know I would put you
in his place in an instant. Snap of my fingers, snap of my beautiful fingers, and you’re there. – How very stately, yes, thank
you, but really, yes, yes. Well, what does this mean? What shall we do? – It means ultimate dominion
over the realm, however, I received another emotional
response to this, which, as you know, is not favorable really. I got a feeling of, oh no. – Like as in a, “Oh
no!” or like a, “Oh no.” – Like a, “We shall take over the land and give the crown,
– Yes, yes. – and then this feeling of, “Oh fuck.” Like, “Oh no.” I don’t know how to describe it really. – Well, I’m sure it was nothing, surely. Our victory is assured. We have all of this in the bag. – Do you think Avazeil and Azra and Ogra are messing with me? (laughs)
– Oh no. They’re always so supportive. – I know, they flatter me, but maybe it’s because
I am their Dark Queen. – Well, sure, with power
comes a certain set of… sycophants and the like,
but no, surely not. – How do I make people love you the way that your children just love you? (laughs) – You guys hear up above as you have a moment of vulnerability, (drumming) of being called to the council. – Oh, the drummers are sounding
in the deep again, Efink. – How wet am I? (laughs) – We zoom all the way back
up through the Bloodkeep to a room in a spire off of the main column of the Bloodkeep. This is not obsidian. This is ruby red, made of
beautiful fiery gemstone, the most gorgeous shimmering
tower you’ve ever seen. The very very top is a
beautifully appointed room with flaming curtains and a four-post bed, and the most beautiful
artwork and gold everywhere, and a massive warhammer
leaning against the fireplace. And sitting in a beautiful,
no back, like an ottoman, this beautiful cushion,
is our friend Maggie. Rekha, could you please
describe Maggie for us? – Yes. I am a tiefling barbarian. I am six feet tall, which
is tall for a woman. (laughs) I’m very muscular. I’m very strong, but I
dress like a librarian. I wear a cardigan and very
nice slacks, corduroy pants. (laughs) I have a little locket, and I love romance and love, and there’s lots of hellish romance novels on my bedside table.
(laughs) Yeah, so it’s sort of like
the physical, I’m from Hell. (laughs) It’s like a thing people
always ask me about, like if you’re from a
famous city in a movie, and they ask you the same three things that they always know about Hell, so I find it very tiring and annoying to answer questions about it. I live in my father’s shadow a bit. My father is Gogma, who’s
like the Lord of Evil. – The original god of
evil that created Zoulnazh and everything else. – Yes, and so people always ask me and try to get favor
from the forces of evil, based on his accomplishments
and not my own. Trying to make my own name for myself. I am the girlfriends of
Zoulnazh, which is like, I’m following my heart,
but at the same time, stop asking about him. (laughs) – You see that behind you
is your handmaiden, Sestra, who is a cyclops hag. She has one eye, scraggly hair, sort of onyx-blue lapis
lazuli kind of skin, sort of hermetic robe,
hermit’s robe, around her, and she is just combing your
long beautiful flaming hair. You’re looking at yourself and
her behind you in a mirror, and you see she goes I have
to say you look radiant today. (laughs) – Thanks, I don’t feel radiant. – What, Maggie, why? – I feel like, I don’t know, is my hair falling out? – She says do you want it to? That’s a thing here. That’s sort of a spotty leper look. – No, I’m not– (laughs) I’m just so stressed, you know. I’m so stressed, so I’m just
like, you know, Zoulnazh. Ever since he got crushed into a mouth, and now he’s a giant flaming mouth, things haven’t been the same. – That was awful when that
awful Lisandra Half-Elven smashed his head with her mace. – Yes, I remember, I remember. I don’t know, I just wonder if things are a little different between us now. I don’t know. – Well, you think he’s
gonna pop the question after the world of man, elves,
and dwarves falls, don’t you? – I mean I hope so. I’ve been waiting for it. I have imagined every scenario in my mind, but what if he doesn’t, you know? Sometimes I have that thought. It makes me want to
punch myself in the face, which would kill me. (laughs) – She looks at you and says listen, and here’s the thing. – Tell me. – Zoulnazh hears all, and me speaking out against
him literally forfeits my life. Even that being said, if he doesn’t pop the question
to you, he fucking crazy. – He be crazy, right?
(laughs) I mean, to think- – You are a capital C Catch. – Thank you, thank you, and I tell him that, and I know that. When I look in a mirror and I
see myself, and I know that, but you never know, you never know. Things can change. – Listen, let me tell you something. I’ve been around a lot. I’ve been around a long time, okay, and I’ve seen people
come and go, all right, and Zoulnazh, back in the early days, when he was doggin’ around… – Yes, I remember, disgusting. – Disgust.
– [Rekha] Disgusting. – He looks at you– – Stop. – [Brennan] Like he looks at nobody else. – Stop. – And for me to be able to tell that when he has no eyes and face, (laughs) that means something. – Thank you, and you know, I’m sorry I never ask you
about your personal life. I just talk only about my stuff. – No, oh my god, listen, at my age, I’m just happy to catch up on the gossip. (laughs) – Excellent. – My partner is a pool of shadow sludge. – Aww, that’s sweet. – So it’s all, you
know, nothing to report. It’s sort of like yeah, things are good. They’re still in the area
of space they occupy. – Yeah, I want what you have. (laughs) (slurps) – Wipes a tear from the
center eye of her face. (laughs) She goes that is so sweet. Listen, you know, you guys
have all been hoofing it, and it’s going to work out, I know that. – Thanks, he is really
the love of my life. – And here’s the thing. That’s something rare and special, and once he’s conquered
the world of men and elves, then you know what you got to tell him? You gotta take him, this
is on your wedding night. – Uh-oh.
– Uh-oh. – Uh-oh
– Uh-oh, and this is where you’ll have more than a mouth to work with. – Uh-oh, trust me, I don’t need it. (laughs) – You’re so bad! You are evil! (punching) (laughing) Sestra’s like badly
injured and she’s like, I love it, I love it! – Fun. – I think it passes the pectoral test if two women are talking
about a man while fighting. (laughs) I think it does. – You begin to hear, (drumming) a council being called in
the throne room of Zoulnazh. – Oh no, I think I have to go. – Sestra says all right. She primps a couple more things and says, – Thank you.
– You look gorgeous, okay, and I’ll say this as well. He’s going through a lot. He’s stressed, he’s got a lot on his mind. He’s gotta get that crown back. Once he does, and he’s going to, you look at him wedding night, and before you do what you’re about to do, you say, “Listen buddy, you had your turn. Now, married, you support
me, and then you…” – I’m gonna do what I want to do. – Yes, time for your career. – It’s time for my career. I follow him around every
little hellmouth on earth. – Yes!
– Doing what he wants. – I’m excited to see
what the Dark Lady Maggie has in store for this word.
– Ooo! – (kisses) You look great. – Thank you. – You head off then, and we, as Maggie heads towards the throne room, over to the other side of the Bloodkeep where a jet black ship covered in skulls is moored with chains and ropes to a balcony hundreds of
feet above the ground. A skyship, covered in the
most fearsome corsairs the world has ever seen, with jewels bedecked with gold, magical blades at their side. This is the Siren, the flagship
of the Forgotten Fleet. We see loads and loads of gunpowder, cannons marked with
runes, magical artillery, all being provided gratis due to the extremely extracting
contract of Markus St. Vincent, the Unseen Blade. Ify, could you describe Markus for us? – Yeah, Markus St.
Vincent, the Unseen Blade. (laughs) Captain of the Forgotten Fleet, and victim of a stolen throne. (laughs) He sits in the lower decks of
his dope-ass ship, the Siren. He sits back with his crew. He has to his right-hand
side, Anne of Kilkathery, Ol’ Pickering down doing stuff, and Bad Henry sitting right behind him, and he sits draped with his hood up, as he has this marbled gold and silver skull mask covering his face, and all you can see is his dreaded beard coming down from it. As a matter of fact, he
is taking some black wax and really tightening it up. (laughs) He’s draped kind of in this hooded cloak, but under it you can see just a little bit of like a royal captain’s outfit. It’s almost like he just
threw a cloak over that, but it’s old, ragged, it’s been a while. He hasn’t been home for a long time. Through the sleeves of his cloak, you see nice studded gold rings. You really don’t know how he
fights with all of this stuff because it’s just too extravagant. If this realm had a rapper, he’d be it. (laughs) He sits with his arms crossed, as Old Pickering is standing
in front of him with receipts and they’re just basically
going over inventory as they get ready to go through the day. – You’re running through
it with Bad Henry. You see that standing before you is this little treasury magistrate from
the Onyx Vault named Privo. It’s like a little goblin
in a little jet black suit with a little gold accoutrement on it. He’s got a long scroll and looking at it. He says yes, Captain St. Vincent, Some discrepancies. Number of cannon,
according to your contract, it seems we’re fulfilling this, we at the actual Bloodkeep will be left with no arcane cannon
if you take the amount that you have– – It’s very true, but, if
you have us protecting this, you won’t need arcane cannons. As long as we have all those cannons, not a hair will be
touched on your Dark Lord. As a matter of fact, with
this ship being here, nothing is happening to your Dark Lord. – Ah, yes, I understand. The only thing, Captain St. Vincent, is that you have a
stipulation in your contract that the Siren is to be
allowed to loot the city of Torkellen whensoever it
falls, which should be today. – Oh, I like when you say that. Say it one more time. – Okay, I’m saying it as a problem. (laughs) The ship obviously can’t be
here defending the Bloodkeep if it is looting the city of Torkellen. See that Bad Henry behind you goes, Captain, don’t know if
I like this goblin much. I would like to do bad things to him. – Yeah, yeah, but if we
start doing bad things to people who owe us money,
we won’t get the money. – Anne nods and kind of laughs and she puts up a big seven-league bootleg on this chest of treasure and she says, Right, Privo, so let me get this straight. You’re asking us to remain here, even though we are contractually
allowed to take flight and head off in the direction
of Torkellen, where all the jewels of the ancient
empire of Tiriath remain. Am I to understand that the
Dark Lord is breaching contract? – Ooo. – Privo goes (laughs) No, no, no. I didn’t say that. What I was saying was I was remarking the contract is written in such a way that we are putting all
of our defensive cannon on your ship, and then the
ship is allowed to leave to go make more money elsewhere. – Okay, but you’re talking about cannons. Don’t you have like a hot
spider lady, a wet elf. (laughs) You got like this skull
dark dead knight dude who’s riding on dragons, and you got that devil lady
with the big-ass hammer. You don’t need the cannons. You got what you got. Now you just bein’ extra, you know? (laughs) We’re not Beast-Dude. He’s gonna come up probably
eat the scraps or something. You don’t need cannons. The cannons are excessive, and I’m just taking them off your hands so you got less stuff
to do when we move into wherever new kingdom you take over. – Bad Henry goes the Captain
is doing you a favor. – Yeah. – And in fact I think we
actually have a clause about favors where we get
paid a pre-fixed rate. – Oh, add that to the document. That’s gonna be 500 gold for that favor. – All right, I’m only making
it worse by being here, (laughs)
so I’m going– (laughs) He says I’m going to leave. Well, I have failed in my endeavor, and Small Town will eat me. And you see he skitters off. You see that Ol’ Pickering comes in, this ancient, old corsair, and he goes, aye, Captain, it’s good to see you again. I have made preparations. The Siren is fit fighting form. (laughs) – Oh yes, yes. – And these cannons are a pretty penny. We’ve got about twice
as many as we can use. – Okay. – We’ll be able to sell
them at a high markup. There’s nothing in the contract that says we can’t sell them to a third party. – Yeah, yeah, no, no. Like I said, we’re doin’ them
a favor, you know what I mean? – Makin’ money, makin’ money. – Look, we make money, we
conquer, in the order I just said. (laughs) – He looks up at you and says, aye, and when the world
of human beings falls, we’ll be rich! – Yeah, yeah, you know I mean
to keep asking about that. Are we included in that human being clause of the world being, you know? I haven’t thought of that. – You see that Anne kind
of scratches her head and Bad Henry sort of goes hmm. We sided with Gorgar against
every other human in the world. – Yeah, but remember that
human side are against us. When we took off on that scouting mission, never heard back from my dad or brother, was lost at sea and air. – You see that Ol’ Pickering, actually make an insight check for me. – Ooo Ten. – You see that there’s a quick look shared between Ol’ Pickering,
Anne, and Bad Henry, as they look at each other. – What was that? – What’s that, Captain? – What was that look that you just did? – You see Anne looks at you
and says, really Captain, there’s been word that along with Kasar the
Beige and Telmir the Calm and the Ranger of the North that your brother Tavian has
sworn alliance with Tyriath and will be fighting at the Door of Doom. – That little punk-ass piece… (laughs) So he’s gonna send me
out, leave me on my own, and the only thing I can
do is join the Dark Lord, and then he’s gonna side with them? – Your brother’s sided,
yes, sided against him. He’ll be fighting alongside the forces of men, elves, and dwarves. – Yeah I know, that’s what I meant. I just said it weird. (laughs) All right. It’ll be, look at this as
our chance for revenge. – You see Bad Henry says, and revenge is a dish best served bad. (laughs) – Yes, yes, revenge is
a dish best served bad. – You see that Pickering
looks over at Anna and says, Bad Henry’s always trying
to work that angle. (laughs) I understand why he’s doing it. In any case, Captain, I wouldn’t worry yourself. Maybe all the humans in the world die, and we’re the last humans left, and we have to run away from all the orcs, but we’ll be running away rich. – Yes, yes, yes. – Don’t think on it too hard. – I’ve been trying not to, I just, my brother sneaking in like that, it’s gonna weigh heavy on me. – Nods and says well, we’ll take the Siren to
Torkellen to start the looting. If you remain here, Captain, you’ll collect the largest mercenary fee in the history of Elna. Anne pours a drink for herself. Bad Henry pours a drink for himself. Pickering pours one for him and you. To being rich. – To being rich. (clink) (slurp) (drumming) – And you hear the council drums. As you begin to walk away, you see your crew take
their scimitars, cling, salute from the deck of the Siren as it sails into the
smoky clouds of Gorgar, and you see that Ol’ Pickering raises his little speaking stone aloft and says, we’ll be ready to come
back and get the payment when they’ve readied the fee. That Onyx Vault doesn’t
open lightly, Captain. (whooshes) They take off. You guys all congregate. (laughs) Dice. Guys, that’s all for this
chapter of Dimension 20. But wait, more full
episodes call out to you from the realms beyond dropout.tv. Will you come to their aid and sign up for your free trial today? – Oh wow, that codpiece is moving a lot. (laughs) There’s some thunking sounds coming from inside that codpiece.