Teachers Guess Who’s High | Lineup | Cut
(laughter) – He’s high. – My name’s Brian. I’m a high school English teacher. – My name is Emily. I teach new immigrants
who are learning English. – I am a youth services agent. – I will abstain from that question. – Every day, I work with kids. 1000%, and I know this for a kind of fact, because kids are assholes, and I can say that because
I don’t give a shit. – Oh yes. I do, there’s a proper place and time, and school is generally not it. – No, they don’t get in
trouble, their parents do. You know when you see
somebody get out of a car and then you also see
smoke coming out of it? So my job is like going
up to them, being like, you can’t do that with
your kid in the car. Feel like I shouldn’t
have to explain that. Yeah, that’s the kind of school I work at. – Okay. – What’s your name? – Jacob.
– Cool. Jacob, nice to meet you.
– Nice to meet you. – And how do you spell that?
– J-A-C-O-B. – Okay, no K? – No K.
– No, okay. – Immediately, this man is high. (laughs) – I have some questions. What do grapefruits
have to do with grapes? – Uh, I don’t think they
have, is this a joke? – No, it’s an actual question. – Oh, I don’t know. What do they have to do with grapes? – I don’t know, you tell me. – I don’t know. – That phrase in general
tends to be misleading in my experience, so I would
not say a stoner lookin’ at this guy. – Why is there an interstate in Hawaii? – I don’t know, why is there
an interstate anywhere? – I don’t think he’s high. You’re just kind of like
thinking about too logically. – I do not believe you are high. Okay, I don’t get to find out immediately, okay, I’ll find out later? This is great, okay, okay, hi. – I think he might be intoxicated. – Okay, so what do you think of the book? – I like it. – That’s what I do just to
see, and usually they do smell very much like, their like man perfume. – You think you’re good
at catching your students? – I do. – Do you get pleasure outta
catching your students? – Yes and no. There’s something that makes me feel bad, ’cause it’s like I don’t
let them keep this secret. – Why don’t we go to page 12. And why don’t you read this section here. – What the fuck? (laughs) – I think he’s high. – I think you are high. – I am. (laughs) – Hi. – My name is Emily. – Emily, James. – James, nice to meet you, James. Can I hug you? – Sure.
– Okay, fantastic. How long have you been smoking cigarettes? – Probably 60 years. – What’s your favorite cartoon ever? – I like some Zapp comic
stuff from the 60’s. – Okay. – Do you do impressions? – I do, but I do impressions
of people that you don’t know. I don’t do ’em on purpose,
they just pop out sometimes. It’s just somethin’ that
happens once in awhile, and I notice it but
nobody else notices it. But I know that I’m doing an
impression of this person. – Can you sing a nursery rhyme? – No. – Yeah, I think you’re high. You kinda went on this like
tangent about the impressions that you do of other people. – Not high, I think he’s quite sober. – Somethin’ tells me you do smoke weed. This man is high. (laughs) Yep, and that confirmed it. So thank you. Good to know and he just left. He didn’t know what he said anyhow. This is great, I’m winning kind of. – I feel the need to
give you a hug as well. Can I do that? – Well, yeah.
– Okay, okay. Okay, great. – Hey, I got a good sniffer. – Do you want a little snack? – Yeah, alright. – The flamin’ hot Cheetos? – You like spicy food? – Yeah, I like spicy food. I’m half Mexican. – I’m full black. (laughs) – Do I remind you of a
teacher you’ve ever had? – The ones that caught me smokin’ weed. – Really? Did you only get caught once? – Yeah. – Okay, so you learned your lesson. – Yeah, I mean, not really, but. (laughs) – Oh, I don’t. I just felt like I had a
responsibility to look out for the other students. I’m in a portable classroom,
so there’s not a lot of ventilation in there. So it was like a hot box in there. And all the other kids are just like, what the fuck is that? – I think you’re high. – Is it ’cause I’m black
you think I’m high? – You’re black? (laughs) No, the lids are kind of low. – I think you’re high
just because this comes from my father, it’s called nigga glare. And the fact that he’s
laughing right now means that he’s probably
understandin’ what I’m sayin’. Is that cool?
– I mean, I feel like you’re profilin’ me. (laughs) – I think he’s probably high. You’re just camping on them. You’re just campin’ on the cheetos. He’s high. – Did you smoke weed in high school? – No, oh my God, no. – Can you go to page 37? – That’s 36, 37. – Okay, cool, what’s the
title of this chapter? – What the Germans lack. – Oh, okay, good, continue. – Among Germans, it is
not enough these days to have a spirited mind. – Very nicely done. I feel like I have the
answers, is that too fast? I feel like I’m really good at this. – I don’t think so, no. – I think you are not high. – I smoke weed a lot, bro. You and I look almost exactly like we shop at the same place. (laughter) What’s your favorite
crunchy food or snack? – Carrots, you know. – Let’s see the Nietzsche. Before you read Nietzsche, do you have any strong thoughts on Nietzsche? – No, boring. – Boring?
– Yeah, that’s the main thought I think. – Okay, let’s read this passage here. – You choose dialectics when
you have no other means. You know that using it provokes mistrust, and that is not very convincing. – So why do you think Nietzsche says, “it provokes mistrust”? I think she’s high. – I don’t think you’re high
but you seem really fun to smoke with. – Hello.
– Hello. High. (laughs) I’m so sorry. – Is that a racial thing? – No, it’s not a racial, what? (laughs) – Want some Doritos? – Kinda, but they make
my hands all cheesy. – I could just give them to you too. I can feed them to you. – I’m already holding it. – Okay, well then nevermind. – Alphabet, backwards. – Z, X, Y. – What were you gonna ask? I feel like you were gonna say something. – No. – I think she’s high. – You’re the one eating all
these, I think you’re high. – No, she’s– – When I’m high in front of other people, I try to be as sober as
possible, and you seem like you’re trying to be as sober
in front of me and with the smiling included, so I think
you might be a little high. – Hello, I feel like
you look like a stoner. – I feel like this is a trick. Oh, fuck off. – You hungry? What would you want to eat right now? – Well, they said they
were gonna give us pizza. – Yeah.
– So I’m just – You’re waitin’ for that pizza? – I’m just waitin’ for the pizza. – Do you have like a snack
that you go for each time? – Cookies. – What kind of cookies? – Chocolate chip. – Always?
– Always. – I’m a snicker doodle
kind of girl myself. – Actually, wait, let me think about it. I was always like anti-oatmeal
raisin for a long time, but those are like super moist. You grow up and you hit
a point of maturity, you’re like, okay, I understand
why oatmeal cookies exist. (laughter) You wanna see the tattoo? – You got a tattoo? Yeah, let me see it. Why, what does it signify? – It’s my favorite dessert. – He’s stoned. – I’m gonna say you’re not
high, but you really wanna get fuckin’ high. – Not high. Not only were you able to
hold the conversation with me, but once or twice you
actually jumped in over me, almost like, what’s it
called, interrupting. But I like that you tried to fake me out. – Dammit. – Fuck. Damn. (laughter) – I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Is this your life? – Yeah, I’m pretty used to it. (laughs) – It must be hard getting
jobs, I’m so sorry. (laughter) – That and like, I don’t know,
sometimes like I don’t get let into bars ’cause they’ll
think I’m like drunk or high. Like, oh yeah, I can’t let you in, dude. – Do you smoke weed? – Very rarely, but I like parties. – Because school fuckin’ sucks. – I don’t know, I just feel
like don’t be like punitive. Just like have a conversation
with them and understand like maybe there’s a lot
more going on than just like them using drugs. – We don’t like come down
hard on that kind of stuff the first time. I’m worried about their safety,
and I worry about them going out into the world and having
somebody else notice that they are high who could actually
get them into serious trouble. (applause) (gentle music)