Sexual Tension at the Law Faculty Comedy Show – Ronny Chieng: International Student

Sexual Tension at the Law Faculty Comedy Show – Ronny Chieng: International Student

August 19, 2019 100 By Stanley Isaacs


I’m auditioning
for the Law Faculty Comedy Show in, like, 10 minutes.
The what? The Law Faculty Comedy Show. It’s an annual comedy
sketch show written and performed
by law students. Hey, you should
audition with me. Uh, join a bunch of
self-indulgent, self-centered, self-absorbed,
Type A personality law students who think they’re
God’s gift to comedy? No, thank you.
Come on, it will be fun. We’ll get to hang out.
Uh, let me think about it. [spitting] Well, I’m going.
If you change your mind, auditions are on
the third floor. OK, thank you. Oh my god!
[splashing] – No, no, no no–
– Oh, I’m sorry. No, it’s fine.
No no, it’s fine. Go, go. I don’t like these pants,
anyway. Just go. Don’t be late. See you later.
Will you guys just bang already? We’re just friends, man.
Yeah? Friends can bang. Listen, I know to your
primitive, impulse-driven minds, the concept of a platonic
relationship between a man and a woman is completely
incomprehensible. You might be friends now, but you are one heartbeat away
from looking at her differently. And then, everything changes. [romantic music playing] What?
No, that’s crazy talk. It’s going to happen.
Yeah. It’s a good thing you’re not
doing that comedy whatever show. Spending weeks
together performing, all those raw emotions, sweat and tears,
physical contact– are you kidding me?
Interesting. I’ve got to go for class.
There’s no more classes today. It’s an extra class.
There are no more classes today! You are lying!
You go, Ronny Chieng! Go make a half-White,
half-Asian baby! You know, halfies
are super cute. [drums playing]
[guttural noises] Loud, loud.
[guttural sounds] Loud loud. [romantic music playing] Hey, you came. Hey.
What made you change your mind? You know, meet new people,
get out of my comfort zone. [shouting]
[guttural sounds] Oh, no. Please tell me
he’s not auditioning. Good morning, everyone.
Ronny. Come gather round. My name is Daniel
Tremblay Burchall. And I am honored
to have been chosen as the youngest director
in the illustrious history of the Law
Faculty Comedy Show. [applause]
Shit. Thank you.
Thank you. Let’s warm up with a quick game
of Zip, Zap, Zoom. So circle up. Yes!
Love Zip, Zap, Zoom. – Zip.
– Zap. – Zoom.
– Zip. Um, zap. Zip. Shit! Shit! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know it was zoom.
I know it was zoom. I– of course it was zoom!
It’s just a warm up. OK, moving on.
When I point to you, give me your name
and your best impersonation. I’m sorry, I’m just
going to need a moment. OK. You take as long
as you need. OK, go. – Uh, I’m Henry–
– I’ve got one! I’ve got one! I’ve got one! I’m on. I’m on.
I’m on. OK. Do it! Just do it! Don’t let your dreams be dreams.
Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just do it!
Make your dreams come true Do it! What are you waiting for?
Do it! Just do it! Yes, you can!
Just do it! Just do it! What was that?
Shia LaBeouf. Oh, OK. Next? Uh, hi. I’m Ronny. And I don’t really
do impersonations. [laughter]
That character is hilarious. Oh, right. I’m actually
not doing a character right now. I’m just talking.
[laughter] Ronny, I know
you’re not doing a character. But that doesn’t mean
that it can’t be one. All right? Just do it!
[drums] DANIEL BURCHALL:
OK, funny people, Thank you so much
for coming. Ah, Asher?
I just wanted to say, that was one of the
best auditions I’ve seen. And I wanted to let you
know in person, that you’re in. Thank you so much! Chieng.
Hey, man. Listen, all right, I get it.
You don’t want me to be a part of your thing,
blah, blah, blah, whatever. I don’t want to be
a part of it anyway. I’m offering you
a part in the show. Oh. OK. If you think that
I’m petty enough to let our previous animosity
get in the way of art, you’ve seriously misjudged me.
So you in? Yeah, OK, I guess. Yeah.
I can’t believe we both got in! Did I get in?
No. I didn’t do it! [drums playing] DANIEL: So remember
what your card was? Yeah. That your card?
No, it wasn’t. OK, that– that’s–
that’s a disappointment. Oh, Chieng!
Just the person I wanted to see. I’ve got a character that I think
you’re going to be perfect for. It’s a classic
outsider struggling to fit
into a foreign situation. Is it the angry
Asian laundry man? Yeah, I wrote it
specifically for you. Ah, OK. “Hello, sir.
Is this the laundromat?” “Yes, this is the– rondromat.”
“Can I get this suit cleaned?” Then it just says, “say
something angry in Chinese.” Yeah. Can you do that?
[speaking chinese] No, no, no, like,
much angrier. You know, he is the angry
Asian laundry man, after all. James, can you come over here
and show Ronny how it might be done?
Sure OK. “Hello, sir.
Can I get this suit cleaned?” [speaking chinese angrily]
And, scene.