Science Presentation – SNL

September 10, 2019 0 By Stanley Isaacs


>>OUR APPLIED SCIENCES 101 A
PRONLS CONTINUE WITH TWO MORE STUDENTS THAT ARE PRESENT THEIR
FINDINGS AND FIELD QUESTIONS FROM OUR PANEL.
>>PROFESSOR, BEFORE WE BEGIN, CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
ALL RIGHT. LET’S BE REAL.
I’M AT ALABAMA MOSTLY BECAUSE OF MY ABILITIES ON THE FOOTBALL
FIELD, BUT I TAKE MY ACADEMICS INCREDIBLY SERIOUSLY.
>>NOW, THAT’S VERY ADMIRABLE, RAY.
>>THAT’S WHY I SAID UNLESS I GOT AN A PLUS ON ALL MY FINALS,
I WOULD VOLUNTARILY SIT OUT THAT BOWL GAME AGAINST WASHINGTON.
>>WELL, WE WILL UPHOLD OUR END BY JUDGING YOU JUST LIKE ANY
OTHER STUDENT, AND ALSO, THANK YOU FOR SIGNING MY HAT.
>>NO PROBLEM.>>ABSOLUTELY.
DON’T YOU EXPECT ANY FAVORS FROM US.
>>WONDERFUL. NOW, WOULD YOU ALL PLEASE STATE
THE TOPICS THAT WE ASSIGNED TO YOU?
>>YES. QUANTUM ENTANGLEMENT IMPAIRED
PARTICLES.>>IONIZATION IN THE GAS PHASE.
>>BANANAS.>>FANTASTIC.
NOW, PLEASE, DISPLAY YOUR PROJECTS.
>>MILES, I FOUND YOUR SMALL PARTICLE ACCELERATOR, WHILE
CRUDE, TO BE QUITE CLEVER.>>HEATHER, YOUR CLOUD CHAMBER
WAS EQUALLY AS IMPRESSIVE.>>THANK YOU.
>>THAT’S VERY KIND. THANK YOU.
>>BUT, RAY, WE WERE ALL BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR BANANAS NAILED TO A
PIECE OF PLYWOOD.>>THANK YOU, SIR.
IT WAS HARD TO MAKE.>>I’M SORRY, BANANAS NAILED TO
A PIECE OF PLYWOOD? I DON’T THINK THIS IS VERY FAIR.
>>PLEASE CONCENTRATE ON YOUR OWN PROJECT, MILES.
>>CAN WE MOVE THIS ALONG? HE HAS PRACTICE AT 3:00.
>>HEY, COACH. I HAVE PRACTICE IF I GET AN A
PLUS.>>OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, A PLUS,
RIGHT.>>MAY I READ MY FINDINGS?
>>OF COURSE, RAY.>>SORRY.
NERVOUS. BANANA IS A YELLER SNACK THAT
MONKEYS EAT. THESE FIVE TYPES OF BANANAS,
YELLOW, BROWN SPOTTY, VERY BROWN, GREEN, AND ROUND.
>>I’M SORRY. THERE’S AN ORANGE ON HIS BANANA
BOARD.>>HEY.
THAT IS A ROUND ORANGE BANANA.>>I PROMISE YOU THAT’S AN
ORANGE.>>ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE US
LOSE THE GAME, NERD? IS IT CONTINUE, RAY.
>>I USED TO NOT LIKE BANANAS BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE BOYS’
WEINERS, BUT NOW I LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY’RE YUMMY.
THANK YOU.>>BRILLIANT.
TRULY BRILLIANT, RAY. THE FLOOR IS OPEN FOR PANEL
QUESTIONS.>>MILES, WHY DID YOU OMIT THE
EFFECTS OF ENTANGLEMENT SWAPPING FROM YOUR CALCULATIONS?
>>I DID NOT HAVE THE PROPER RESEARCH IN THAT AREA.
>>VERY DISAPPOINTING.>>THIS IS IMPORTANT, GUYS.
SCIENCE IS IN THE DETAILS. NOW, RAY, WHAT’S THE OUTSIDE OF
A BANANA CALLED?>>THE CRUST.
>>BINGO.>>HEATHER, LOOK AT THE MONITOR,
PLEASE. IS THIS AN INTEGRAL OR DIFFERING
CONDENSATION CURVE.>>IT’S NOT CLEAR.
I HAVEN’T SEEN ONE LIKE THAT.>>ARE YOU, LIKE, UM, LIKE,
LIKE, SO SURE?>>NOW, RAY, DIRECT YOUR
ATTENTION TO THE MONITOR, AND YOUR QUESTION IS THAT FUNNY?
>>PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME. PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME.
>>I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN A MONTH BUILDING A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR,
AND RAY JUST GETS TO LAUGH AT A BANANA GIFF?
>>IT’S OKAY.>>I’VE HAD IT WITH THIS KID!
>>YOU KNOW WHAT, WE’RE READY TO ANNOUNCE YOUR GRADES.
NERD, YOU SCORED A 20%.>>WHAT?
>>HEATHER, 70.2%.>>I HATE THIS SCHOOL.
>>AND, RAY, I’M HAPPY TO SAY YOU SCORED 100%.
>>COACH, I DID IT!>>HUH?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. YOU’RE THE SMARTEST KID IN THE
WORLD.>>YOU CAN PLAY IN THE BOWL GAME
AFTER ALL.>>I JUST HAVE TO GET A PLUS ON
MY ENGLISH LIT FINAL. I KNOW THE HELL OUT OF THE THE
VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR SO I’M NOT WORRIED.
[ APPLAUSE ]