Personal Boundaries: 5 ways to teach people how to treat us properly! | Kati Morton

Personal Boundaries: 5 ways to teach people how to treat us properly! | Kati Morton

November 18, 2019 100 By Stanley Isaacs


Today I am talking about boundaries. Now many of you
have reached out to me and said that you
have struggled to put up healthy boundaries with people in your life. Now, why do we
even need boundaries? Many of us have
people in our lives who treat us poorly, they talk down to us, they boss us around or can be really rude
and aggressive. And we have really struggled to find a way
to tell them to stop. So today I am going
to teach you five steps on how to
help people treat you better. ♫ (introduction music playing) ♫ There may have been
a time in our lives when we were too young, or we didn’t really have
any control over our situation. And therefore we had
no other option, but to let people treat us in an undesirable way. But now, we are grownups. Even if we are teens, we are still adult enough to teach people
how to treat us properly. Now, one of the things
we often don’t realize, is that we are reinforcing some of this
undesirable behavior. Let’s give an example: So let’s say we have
someone in our life who’s really bossy,
really pushy, and they are
aggressive, and they keep asking for things, Until, we’re exhausted, we don’t want to
fight with them and we give in, and they get their way. Now you can see
that reinforces their behavior because they got
really pushy, really aggressive
and they got what they wanted. And who would have even thought that was really reinforcing this “bad boundary” or “undesirable behavior”, but it really is. The first step to teaching
people how to better treat us is noticing these times where we may be reinforcing
bad behavior. Because we often don’t
even realize we’re doing it. So if we can take time, and pay attention
to when we give in to people, we may say “yes” when
we really mean to say “no”, Someone is just really pushy, so we always just let them
have their way. Start recognizing when
this is happening, because that is where
we can start. Step 2: is knowing that you have the right to
always walk away from someone if they are speaking to you rudely. I find may of my clients,
even myself, sometimes, feeling like I have to
have certain conversations, or I forced, to have to
sit there, and be berated by someone. Or, to stay on the phone while someone is just making
me feel like shit. But, you know what? We have the right to walk away. Recognizing that power,
gets us one step closer, to self respect. Which is really
what I am trying to teach you. It’s the core of
who we are, and what we believe
we deserve. And it’s from that that we can teach others
how to better treat us. The third step is knowing
that we have the right, always, to say no, if
something is not in our best interest. If it is way out of our way
to take someone to the airport. If it is really inconvenient
for us to “swing by” easily, and just pick up that thing for someone. We can say no. And recognizing that we have that right, it doesn’t make us a jerk, it doesn’t make us selfish, It doesn’t mean that we are so rude
and a horribly person. It means that we recognize what is convenient and
what makes sense for us, And when things don’t make sense, we have the right
and the ability to say no, at anytime. The fourth step is recognizing that we, have the insight, and, we have realized relationships
and situations that just really feel icky
and are unhealthy, and we are able to
distance ourselves from those people. Now, I know for many of you, you may live at home, I have had many messages
from people saying, “But what if my parents
are toxic?” and “what if they’re the ones
that are overstepping boundaries?” We still have the ability
to distance ourselves. In certain situations,
we can make sure that we are not around them. Or we are not
part of the discussion, or we are not available to talk about this
certain situation, that we don’t want involved in. We can still
emotionally distance ourselves in certain situations so we
protect our own self respect. So that we don’t
get drawn in these unhealthy relationships, where people try to
invade our privacy, share our privacy
with other people, may be very rigid
and restrictive, This helps give us the power
to say, “You know what? I am not
going to participate right now.” “I’m busy.”
“I have to go.” “Oh you want to talk?,
I’m sorry I already have other plans, I will be back later.” We have the ability to do that. The fifth and most
important step on teaching other people
to treat us better is sticking with it. If you ever get detered, if you find yourself feeling
like, “I’m such a jerk!” “I know they’re going to hate me!” “I am never going to have any friends,
and everything is going to be terrible…” Think to yourself, is it more important that other
people like me? or that I like me? Oftentimes I find that we
look outwards so much for affirmation to build our self esteem, so that we feel good about
how we look, and present to others, and we forget about our
own self respect. And that’s where true compassion,
true love, true life comes from, is self respect. Respecting who you are,
recognizing your strengths, and taking time to notice those,
to write those things down. A lot of what I talk about
in my videos is just us going inside to figure out what is
important to us, Who we are.
Why do we love ourselves? And if we don’t find anything
at the beginning, we’re like, “I don’t
know what I love?” That’s where you need to start. It’s taking time to recognize whats so wonderful and great
and unique about you. Because everyone has those things! Once we begin this process,
stick with it! Because I will tell you this, You’re worth it! I hope that this video
gives you some ideas and tools to better
prepare for this holiday season. I am wishing each and every one of you a happy and healthy holidays! Don’t forget to subscribe
to my channel. Just because it’s the holidays
doesn’t mean I am not going to be here. I put out videos five days a week, and you don’t want to miss them! If you like this video make sure
to give it a thumbs up. If you haven’t checked out:
www.katimorton.com there are some great things
going on there. I have even updated my shop. I have shirts, tank tops,
coffee mugs, anything that you might be looking for
for a little self care during the holidays. (video fades, plays clip of
previous video) some self care, if you have time
at the end of your day, take the 10 minutes out of
your day to do this. and I think you will
feel a lot better. And like I said we are always
working together right? not only towards a healthy mind…
(video fades out) Subtitles by the Amara.org community