Jordan Peterson – How To Teach Your Child What “No” Means November 25, 2019 100 By Stanley Isaacs CategoryArticles BlogTagschildren father jordan peterson kids Mother parenting psychology raising a child 100 Comments Mike Garner says: July 7, 2019 at 12:00 pm Mental maturity is very basic concept Door is unlocked you can open up Door is locked you can not open it Reply Mike Garner says: July 7, 2019 at 12:01 pm ×××××××××××××Funny side×××××××××××××Stupid selfish babys! They cry tell the get what the want Reply American says: July 8, 2019 at 12:04 pm The leftist would say holding your child against their will is child abuse, meanwhile they've set an appointment at the abortion clinic… Reply jfsfrnd says: July 9, 2019 at 3:00 pm My cat was rubbing his head on my books and climbing behind my TV screen. I told him he was in Time Out and put him in my laundry room and closed the door. After he started crying I opened the door and firmly said Chill Out a few times. After that he was calm and lay next to me. He has been occasionally put in time out all his life, since when we first found him for biting. If it works for a cat… Reply Nesibe Balta says: July 10, 2019 at 5:32 pm This works but I truly hope no one sets you on a step and talks about civilised world and civilised behavior when you don't know the rules or misbehave. Ik really do…especially when you feel bad. Reply TheTRUTH IsOutThere says: July 11, 2019 at 12:19 am The more I listen to these vids, the more it seems monkeys have better behavior than humans. It boggles my mind that some animals are born with superior instincts, and they are not so helpless for so long… What is the point of this existence??? Interesting how human behavior is always being trained/programmed. Reply Ryu says: July 12, 2019 at 6:20 am This doesn’t work at all with my kids 😂 Reply Anti-theist says: July 12, 2019 at 11:22 am I have constantly laid down the rules for punctual leaving time for shool in the morning but my lazy fucking son can never keep to it. At least twice a week he is late and never wants to come out a few minutes early to help with the dogs, gate, dog shit etc. I have now told him to fuck off. Reply Monika McRobert says: July 16, 2019 at 3:58 am I work with kids, two year olds and we are trained NOT to say No. Reply Mohamed Blaiech says: July 17, 2019 at 11:30 pm I lived for 4 years in the west, and I became terrified of kids. you can't even look at them without someone giving you a suspicious look.. harming children is the worse act a man can do, when did it become a common thing for people to suggest that you're a pervert when they see you playing with or smiling to a kid. this is a thought I can't even begin to fathom. Reply Jim F says: July 20, 2019 at 3:37 am Out of the hundreds of dollars we spent on Xmas gifts for the kids, a $1 plastic Tierra was the best gift of the year. Yes, they have no clue.Basically it's not too far from training a dog. None or semi verbal communication , and simple behaviour control. Just kids get a bit smarter after like 3.The wife despises when I say that btw. 😃 Reply Izak Van Dyk says: July 20, 2019 at 2:39 pm "kids, they are not very bright, you can fool them" hahahaha. Best line ever…. Reply tickle me and I'll Hurt you says: July 21, 2019 at 3:16 pm how do you discipline your girlfriend when she acts like a child Reply Don Bailey says: July 22, 2019 at 7:27 am Smack them on the bare ass with the flat of your hand and say NO !!! Reply Don Bailey says: July 22, 2019 at 7:30 am Now the old ones would let them reach in the fire, then say, hurts dont it? If they do it a second time, they usually dont live to be adults. Reply mrmadame28 says: July 22, 2019 at 8:12 pm I wonder how well it would work with Eric Cartman Reply Ivan Broes says: July 24, 2019 at 5:30 pm I don't agree with Jordan Peterson here — there are too many different characters. My rule was to rear a child without "No." and I learned this from watching with my baby daughter a family of monkey. What it amounts to, is distract them from the subject. And yet it take more time and patience. but in the long run its worth it. their 25, 42, and 45 today — that's when you know as a parent you must have done something right. Reply K p says: July 25, 2019 at 1:42 am All fab comments. Love it x Reply Still Waters Farm says: July 25, 2019 at 2:51 pm This is not terrible advice, but I think it could be improved. Saying things like “they’re not very bright” indicates to me you don’t know them too well. Or maybe haven’t spent enough time with precocious kids – there are many. It would be best to approach every child with respect. If we aren’t communicating, I try to not assume it is the child’s lack of understanding. At least 50% of the time, it is mine. An understood child is a more compliant child. With my rambunctious child, I found time outs for connection better than the more traditional time outs on the stairs. If he is getting out of hand, he has to come sit on my lap. He is my last child, I cherish these moments anyway. You can feel the strain leave him as he sits. When he is ready to listen, accept instruction, act civilized, then he can get down. I agree, if you get to the point of not liking your child, you’ve let things go way too long. And definitely start early. I have seen too many parents let their toddlers run wild, then when they tire of it, turn into tyrants. It is not fair to punish a kid who behaves in the way you raised him to behave! Reply Wasted Weirdo says: July 26, 2019 at 9:20 pm . Reply Office Service says: July 27, 2019 at 5:51 pm First educate yourself. Then you are the RoleMODEL Reply Shaun Maloney says: July 27, 2019 at 7:27 pm What captivates me about Mr. Peterson is his vocabulary. You can tell he spent a lot of time talking to people and reading books and thinking he’s so intelligent but he relates it on a very individual level I look up to him in a lot of ways. Reply billy watkins says: July 27, 2019 at 7:44 pm All five of my kids had a three part allowance. Part 1. was for chores around the house. 2. was for grades in school. 3. was what I referred to as "act right" when they were out of the house, they represented me. And they were to act accordingly. If, for example, I got a report that one of them had been caught shoplifting. The other parts of their allowance went away too. I only had to use it once on each kid. In doing this, They learned responsibility. Actions have consequences! They all went on to become pillars of our community. Reply Earl says: July 28, 2019 at 5:35 pm "Not much different than thinking"! we've got to go around and grab our politicians by the leg and tell them no until they start crying!! Reply Bobby Greene says: July 29, 2019 at 11:00 pm What's up with the subliminal messages? Reply Chrissytoyou says: July 30, 2019 at 3:28 pm By the tile my kids were 3/4 I no longer had to baby proof anything. They knew what they were allowed to do and what they were not allowed to do. They could go to anyone’s house including a grandmother who’s home was like a museum and never touch a single thing. They behaved and when they tried to play with something they shouldn’t I firmly said no , if they persisted they got a tug on their hand and a firmNo. Then I would offer something they could play with. Removing the negative and reinforcing with a positive. They learned quickly. The key like Peterson says is consistently using your tools and keeping the rules the same. Reply M. J. says: July 30, 2019 at 4:12 pm Hi all, whats is his new book? Reply Aliya Tamarin says: July 30, 2019 at 7:43 pm He obviously hasn’t read any Alfie Kohn…. Reply Philip Denys says: July 30, 2019 at 8:14 pm The United States have a childpresident, can you help them? 😂 Reply Absolute Veteran says: August 2, 2019 at 8:06 am Yup. This works Reply Megan guthrie says: August 3, 2019 at 2:50 pm What’s with the flashes of darkness every few seconds. Is it just mine that’s doing that or does anyone else see that. It’s like little clips are inserted randomly Reply Michelle Staunton says: August 4, 2019 at 8:07 pm I don’t think you should give a child a gift to do what he needs to do because he or she will think everyone will reward them for doing what they should do ! Reply Angelika Lirgendwas says: August 6, 2019 at 6:31 pm 13 month and started to crawl? ! Lol, more like 6 month but good idea Reply Ann Wood says: August 6, 2019 at 10:55 pm At 5:32 this guy talks about how to teach your child not to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. They have plastic doo-hicks that keep this from happening. Trusting some iffy authoritarian NO is not good enough. I don't even have a PhD in child development like this guy does (oh, wait…) and I know this. I bet his wife knows it too. Reply Tihomira Green says: August 7, 2019 at 12:34 am This is so very helpful, thank you professor! Reply ibrahim ozan Ceberut says: August 9, 2019 at 9:28 am How to train your child xD Reply Desert Rats says: August 9, 2019 at 10:37 am My son just turned 3. I can't get him to stop peeing on the floor or dumping water on it in his room and nothing has been working. Corner, no, I have even tried to spank him after getting grilled by my mom. Any ideas? We give stickers or candy when he goes in the toilet even the gold star program. It's been going on for 6 months. Reply Trafalgar Law says: August 9, 2019 at 3:04 pm The black screens are fucking me over hard. Reply calderon2091 says: August 9, 2019 at 4:37 pm Nowadays people confuse discipline with fear. They think that by disciplining their child he will grow up fearing the parents. I’m not a believer of “be a friend to your child first”. Be a parent, let the child know you have the authority and he needs to follow you not the other way around. Reply Harry Mills says: August 9, 2019 at 11:12 pm If you once relent, the child will learn that "No" means "maybe," and you're lost. This is tough, because up to that first "No," the baby crying SHOULD mean that you're right there fixing whatever problem they have. Responding to crying is how your child exerts some control over their environment, and when you let the 1-month-old cry without response, you turn them into fussy, insecure cry-babies. When they start crawling around and you give 'em their first "No" and they cry about it, you have to understand that this is an inappropriate use of crying to manipulate you, which they will do, if you're weak. And you'll be the parent whose child is throwing tantrums at the grocery store. My parents were pretty old-school. Acting-out in public was a fast path to a spanking worse than the gentle reminders at home. They were pretty tolerant of us at home. Absolutely strict out in public. Reply The Mayor says: August 10, 2019 at 4:08 am If you don’t already know everything he just said, don’t have kids. Are we really that dumb as a human race that this is a video? Reply Daniel Hong says: August 10, 2019 at 6:52 am You should have your camera below your eyes so your audience isn't looking down at you. Reply hoffmanyou64 says: August 12, 2019 at 2:37 pm I was glad to hear Dr Peterson say a child needs a bedtime so the parents can have a life. I did that with my daughter who had probably a pretty early bedtime of 7am. If she gave me a hard time I would tell her if she could lay there for thirty minutes and stay awake, I would come check on her and let her up for a while longer. She never made it. Reply Jagsta says: August 13, 2019 at 4:04 am Jordan, that will not work. The reward situation. The child mainly a boy will expect it every time. It's like having a pet same thing. Reply skunk12 says: August 13, 2019 at 7:19 am I was thinking of opening up a Child Ass Whoopin Service. Just bring in your kid a anytime he needs an ass-whoopin. 1st session is free of charge! If your wife needs a spanking thats ALWAYS free. Just drop her off and come back 2 hours later. We guarantee she'll be ready to obey by the time you pick her back up. Reply travis hunt says: August 13, 2019 at 11:21 am I think it's funny when all these crappy ass parents put comments on YouTube thinking they are smarter than Jordan Reply Amy Slusarski says: August 13, 2019 at 2:57 pm This man's brain makes him the most attractive man on earth. Reply guneskoc says: August 14, 2019 at 8:38 am Dr. Peterson: "Women are tend to/ prone to this and that" Feminist: "Peterson is a white supremacist alt-right homophobe racist misogynyst Nazi" Dr. Peterson: "We will use he in this example because its boys that are most likely to misbehave" Feminists: Reply Marchel Sugi says: August 14, 2019 at 9:45 pm Just a perfect video for my 21 months yrs old little Lara Croft who seems can't stand still more than 3 seconds. Reply Jaime Kaufman says: August 15, 2019 at 12:19 am What about a stubborn 10 year old girl? Reply Silent Night says: August 16, 2019 at 12:43 am My parents tried to do that last thing with bedtime and when they tried to make me go even earlier from what they told me before I refused and told them " No you said 9:30 so I will go then and not earlier. You said to be true to our words but you now change it." I was a real pain for my parents now that I think about it. Reply X7524 says: August 16, 2019 at 9:51 pm I´ve heard that you shouldnt use words like "No" "Dont" to your child, anyone with thought of that? Reply Vlad Xavier says: August 17, 2019 at 7:38 am When I was young, I grabbed an outlet adapter and put metal washers on the ends of the plug in and shoved it into the wall. The entire upstairs electrical grid got fried lol Also, I was smart enough to know to doing it with some kind of (base) material like the adapter, so I wouldn't get electrocuted. Reply Kendra'sSponge ASMR says: August 22, 2019 at 3:55 am It doesnt depend 😂 corporal punishment is corporal punishment… Reply Maria A. says: August 22, 2019 at 9:00 am I'm a 23 year old single woman who doesn't have kids. Why am I watching this? Because it's Jordan Peterson. Reply Jorge Chavez says: August 23, 2019 at 2:31 am The thing with giving a reward for doing things is what im not totally convinced of. It´s like conditioning the child for being disciplined. What happens when you dont have a reward? He won´t obey you? So your authority depends on reward and not on you being the father? Reply Scott Glass says: August 23, 2019 at 10:29 am Know that Kids want discipline They need it to feel safe Reply irurouni says: August 23, 2019 at 2:45 pm Amazing. Dr Peterson's advice calls for time to be spent between parent and child and not dump the job of civilising the child on the pre-schools. Reply Pavel Stepa says: August 23, 2019 at 6:27 pm All my three kids walked by 13 months. Babies usually crawl by 9 months old. Reply Jeremy Mettler says: August 24, 2019 at 6:51 am To bad you pukes never learned what America is founded in only one protection from. Within and one American in my country WTF pukes get out if can't handle it let your worm ass idiot ego die and know you not close to Americans you fake fucks and learn now or be burning myflags changing names to dumbcunt fake ass American bitch or j will show you one at a time WTF American is pukes destroyed it almost fake fucks real idiots Reply Sumaya Jibraeel says: August 25, 2019 at 7:32 pm I’m not agree at all You don’t want your child to give up if he will give up while he’s child he will give up when he’s adult and you don’t want that You want build strong personality not weak just easy to give upKids normally active like to discover that’s it they don’t want hurt no body Move the dangerous stuff and leave him move so he be smart know how to handle things Stop give orders to little kids stop scream at them stop be angry stop compare them with others stop give them time out please Give love give smiles give respect accept them how they are separate them from the behavior Treat them how they want not how you want Make it easy on them too not just on know Be a teacher a guidance person for them and be patient not a person who just give order and looking for just the bad behavior Let them feel that they the most beautiful thing in the world not they’re hard work they make be tied I can’t do it they make me sick noooooooooThey feel that give love massages Child 2 years just leave him alone to discover and to learn how to depend on themselves not teach them how to give up and learn no how to scare Let them know what No mean to say it and to make their personality strong not to GIVE UP 😡 Reply Brennan Huff says: August 27, 2019 at 9:11 am Does this work for cats? Reply Taylor Sessions says: August 28, 2019 at 6:44 am As I watched this video I began to question if I had blinked or if it was the footage… It was the footage flickering Reply Briana Pearson says: August 30, 2019 at 3:27 am He's studied behaviorism and particularly ABA pretty extensively. A lot of respect for this man 👍 Reply Pauly B says: August 31, 2019 at 11:00 am I'm Italian…. When my kids misbehave… I make them an offer they can't refuse Reply CaroSam Chwa says: September 2, 2019 at 3:14 am I’m storing this in my brain (and I should write this down too) for future use when I’m a parent (I’m only 18). Reply ifluxion says: September 2, 2019 at 10:24 am What I find is particularly important here is that Dr. Peterson is insisting that the disciplinary measures should be done so that it doesn't do your children bad and also to yourself (i.e. hating your child). This is crucially important because what happens when you do so many things for your child so that they won't hate you? You increasingly suppress yourself and start to be resentful to your children who sometimes still, despite your efforts of suppressing yourself, not behaving in a preferable way. You get this negative cycle of doing favor with disregards to your feelings, not getting positive result, do more favor, not get positive result, and in the meantime your resentfulness grows. Reply Alex Chan says: September 5, 2019 at 3:27 pm the flickering is making my eyes twitch Reply Thankful person says: September 6, 2019 at 3:55 am Why you use the word hate your child? who can hate his child? Reply ___ says: September 11, 2019 at 11:40 am 9:58 What should you do after the child cries because you grabbed their leg and said no? Ignore their cries, or sympathize? Reply Juan Manuel Garcia says: September 12, 2019 at 7:33 am Can we grab the leg and say no to leftists and alt rights who play identitarian politics ? Reply Wisam Safi says: September 14, 2019 at 10:11 am Thanks video for blinking on my eyes behalf 😀 Reply Sirius Magus says: September 16, 2019 at 11:58 am Yeah bribe the kid with presents and install the materialistic belief in them for life. Next a present for even smallest normal thing Reply Montelm4l mann says: September 17, 2019 at 1:28 am Why does jordan peterson look like a ficking vampire? Reply MrPaulhease says: September 20, 2019 at 7:24 pm With the full support of my wife, I have been training our son this way (with the very occasional use of a wooden spoon on his rear-end) since he was 15 months old. EVERYONE always comments on "What a well-behaved boy he is!!!! " As if it happened by magic or sheer chance. I always reply: " HE DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE TO BEHAVE OTHERWISE!!!" He is 4 now and his teachers say what a pleasure he is to have in class. It is very easy to spot the kids who have not been thus trained and I encourage my son to stay away from forming friendships with such children. QED. And yes, there are many similarities to training a dog. Reply Lucy Goosie says: September 23, 2019 at 9:12 pm I have an 8 year old with ADHD and autism (high functioning) and he’s so impulsive, I can tell him that if he runs in the kitchen while I’m cooking, he won’t get to watch tv (that’s the only thing he seems to care about) he will sometimes run through the kitchen within 3 seconds of my warning. Then he screams and throws a tantrum when he loses tv time… he’ll go a week or more at a time without tv but he hasn’t learned yet… and we’ve been using this method since he was 5. It just isn’t working. When I was a kid, I don’t think that I would have done it more than twice. The idea with the gifts made me wonder if earning tv time would be better than taking it away. I’ve been told that you shouldn’t use rewards to get your kids to obey because then they’ll always expect a reward or they might refuse to cooperate unless they get a reward. But I’m at the end of my rope. I’m starting to think that he’s just not teachable. He’s very smart academically, but he doesn’t seem to understand common sense. Reply Deborah Ferguson says: September 24, 2019 at 3:15 am ….you’re not nearly as nice as you think……. awesome ! Reply SV Roquetta says: September 26, 2019 at 10:37 am I wish I could talk to this guy for half an hour. My five year old, who I completely adore, is well behaved and seems well adjusted, keeps insisting that she doesn't love me (her dad) it's been going on for years. I'm utterly crushed by it. Her mother and I don't get along but we don't fight in front of her, and never any physical abuse. We don't smack our daughter either. No logical explanation Reply jayrodprime says: October 1, 2019 at 1:49 pm This whole system is predicated on the fact that everyone that has a child is automatically upgraded to a house with steps, boy I wish I lived in Canada. No such luck here in the UK. Reply Oms A says: October 3, 2019 at 2:08 pm I think the single most important way to influence your child's behavior is through a combination of discipline and much more importantly, having the parents (or those adults most present in their life) behave in a way you want them to emulate. These little beasts are a reflection of you! Reply Matt Swab says: October 8, 2019 at 10:08 am I'm a teacher for kindergarten and early elementary, and it is so easy to tell immediately which parents have properly taught "no" to their kids and which ones haven't. Reply kyle chartier says: October 9, 2019 at 9:26 pm I like what he said but picking up children by the arms even if your not using alot of pressure can cause physical damage to their arms when they are older check it out Reply TheLady says: October 12, 2019 at 3:07 am I remember being in third grade and I stole colouring pencils because my family didn’t provide any for me. My creativity was affected hence why I stole them. It was an instinct, I wanted to be able to draw and colour at home like all the other kids. I couldn’t ask my parents to buy me colouring pencils because they were extremely strict. Be careful, because I could’ve grown into something I didn’t want to. However, they did improve their parenting and I was able to improve. Reply Raffa Ella says: October 13, 2019 at 1:28 pm I have a 5 year old girl. She will scream if I talk to her, if I say no, if I hold her, if I try to sit her. She just does as she pleases. No civilized human being at all. My authority hierarchy has got lost somewhere around the way. The small rewards thing actually turned against me when I heard my daughter say: no reward no comply. You cannot possibly give a gift to your child every day eithout spoiling her. Reply vjm3 says: October 13, 2019 at 5:29 pm When my sister and I were very young, my father would show up to our elementary school and whistle from across a field for us to go to him. One time he whistled, and some fat woman standing next to him said "That doesn't work, you have to go get them!" My father immediately responded "Not if you train them properly." Sure enough we came running down and gave him a big hug. Love that story. Reply Actidad says: October 19, 2019 at 3:35 am This is such a great, simple dissertation on basic discipline. Let's be honest, being a dad is tough! It takes a lot of patience, love, and dedication. Shots out to all the awesome Actidads out there! Reply Gretta Hayward says: October 19, 2019 at 2:07 pm I youngest son started to bite other kids at daycare when he was 3. I asked them to firmly say "no" to him because that way he will know the behaviour was "bad". They politely informed me that they were no longer permitted to say "no", instead they had to explain to the child why their behaviour was inappropriate. I politely informed them that he was too young to cognitively understand the lengthy explanation of this mistake. I asked if I could sign a release that allowed them to say "no" to him. But alas, none of this was allowed. This went on for a few weeks and in the end, I ended up being there when he bit a kid and I said "no!". After this, he never bit a kid again. PC has really gotten out of hand when people are not "allowed" to say "no" to their children. Reply Simron Biswas says: October 20, 2019 at 1:49 am “They’re not very bright you know, you can fool them..” im in TEARS Reply Q says: October 22, 2019 at 3:50 pm I keep my children consistently intoxicated with alcohol. Reply Amy Hi says: October 27, 2019 at 5:21 pm Yeah! That’s why I send my kids by 6:30 😊 Reply Darla Florence says: November 1, 2019 at 5:18 am Or to abuse animals Reply HAUEhuaheau91 says: November 5, 2019 at 3:22 pm This looks like red alert cut scenes. Reply Hamlet Fortinbras says: November 7, 2019 at 11:09 pm Thanks Reply Jennifer Robuccio says: November 11, 2019 at 6:29 pm When my daughter went through the “No” phase (about 2-3 years old) I used a physical representation to teach her. If she said no to me I took a marble from our jar and put it in my pocket. Later when she asked for something, I would check my pocket. If there was a marble that meant I had to “give her, her NO back” so to speak and would place the marble in the jar. She stopped using NO for every lil task I would ask her to do. Even stopped a saying no for naps and bedtime Reply g milne says: November 11, 2019 at 7:08 pm I found digging a 49' well and lowering the boy down on a bucket is the best cure for the naughtypants. Reply Ithaca Comments says: November 11, 2019 at 10:52 pm As a former nanny, spanking is a no no to get children to cooperate and use proper behavior. I set the rules ….my "no" was "no" ….and I reviewed the rules daily if necessarily. I have a good stare also. Parents could not understand how I could communicate with their children with just a look. Reply Danielle Rose says: November 14, 2019 at 10:48 pm I wonder what your views are on the theory of the cycle of shame? Reply SurviveandStrive says: November 14, 2019 at 11:51 pm Excellent advise brother. Thank you. I am a young father of 4 with my oldest being 8. I'm 32 years old and had a single mother parent of us three brothers. Parenting is a huge learning process. I value your wisdom. Reply Jesse says: November 19, 2019 at 8:45 pm I don't like the material reward. Reply Ivan G says: November 23, 2019 at 6:11 am Great advice. Gonna try it next week. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.