John Mulaney Got Cheated Out of $120K | Netflix Is A Joke
– I went to college, for the whole time. (audience laughing)
Holy shit, right? I just got a letter from my college, which was fun, ’cause mail, you know? (audience laughing) So I open up the letter and they said, hey John, it’s college, you remember? (audience laughing) I say, yes of course.
(audience laughing) And then they said,
how did they phrase it, then they said, give us some money! (audience laughing) As a gift! We want a gift!
(audience laughing) But only if it’s money! (audience laughing)
I found this peculiar. ‘Cause you see, what
had happened New York, was that when I was a student you see, I had paid them a tuition money. (audience laughing) Every semester, two semesters
a year for four years. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but rounding up, back in 1999 dollars, it was about $15,000 a semester. Two semesters a year for four years. So it was about $30,000
a year for four years. So it was about $120,000, okay? So roughly speaking, I gave my
college about $120,000, okay? So you might say that I
already gave them $120,000 and now you have the audacity
to ask me for more money? What kind of a coke-head relative? (audience cheering) What kind of a coke-head
relative is my college? You spent it already? (audience laughing) I gave you more money
than the Civil War cost and you fuckin’ spent it already? (audience laughing)
Where’s my money? I felt like Jimmy Stewart
in “It’s a Wonderful Life” when he’s screaming at his Uncle Billy I was like, where’s the money? Where’s that money you fat motherfucker? Where’s my money? Stay down on the ground, stay down on the ground you motherfucker! That’s not the dialogue, but
do y’all remember that scene from “It’s a Wonderful Life”? (audience laughing)
Great movie. Frank Capra, 1946. $120,000. And I have friends I went to
college with and they’re like, oh, you should donate
and be a good alumnus. And they wear shirts that say
school and it’s like, look. If you’re an adult still
giving money to your college, college is a $120,000 hooker and you are an idiot who
fell in love with her. She’s not gonna do anything else for you. It’s done.
(audience cheering) In their letter they were like, hey, it’s been a while
since you’ve given us money. I was like, hey, it’s been a while since you’ve housed and taught me. (audience laughing) I thought our transaction was over. I gave you $120,000 and you gave me like, a weird cinder block room
with a “Reservoir Dogs” poster on it and the first
real heartbreak of my life, and probably HPV and
then we called it a day. Probably.
(audience laughing) Also, what did I get for my money? What is college? (stuttering)
(audience laughing) Stop going! Till we figure it out. ‘Cause I went to college. I have no idea what it was. I went to college. I was 18 years old. I looked like I was 11. (audience laughing) I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. (audience laughing) I didn’t drink water the entire time. (audience laughing) I lived on cigarettes,
and alcohol and Adderall. College was like a
four-year game show called, Do My Friends Hate Me or Do
I Just Need to go to Sleep? (audience laughing)
But instead of winning money you lose $120,000. By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was 17 years old. With no attorney present. (audience laughing)
That’s illegal. They tricked me. They tricked me like Brendan
Dassey on Making a Murderer. They tricked me like poor Brendan. They pulled me out of high school. I was in sweatpants all confused. (audience laughing) Two guys in clip-on ties were like, come on son, do the right thing. Sign here and you’ll be an English major. I was like, okay.
(audience laughing) Yes you heard me. An English major. I paid $120,000.
(audience clapping) How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the
worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read “Jane Austen”
and then I didn’t. (audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
"Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep" story of my life
I thought he was going to zip all over the stage. Looks like Grant Gustin.
$120,000 translates into a lot of money where I am from. You can train all the way to PhD and start a family and a business with that money.
Is there something special you guys are learning?
Lmao.
Thought ti was funny but the idiots laughing every 5 seconds (watch it again) is annoying
That stage is beautiful
Omg effing people here commenting by quoting shit here, there is nothing funny here. This dude talks like he is in a 1955 tv show and that he paid $120k and it did nothing for him that is all. Pack up your shit and go home you bums, laughing at every shit that is thrown at you…
"What is college?…don't go until we figure it out"
– John Mulaney | 2020
college is the biggest scam ever
I was in the audience for this, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life
…So did he end up giving them the money?
IF 👏 I’M 👏 STILL 👏 PAYING 👏 YOU 👏 OFF 👏 dont ask me for money 🤷🏻♀️
Anyone planning to go to college
Go to community college for the first 2 years. I swear to god please do this, you will save so much money.
Never buy from the school store. It's a racket. Those books? Fuck them. get them somewhere else. Amazon, Bigwords.com, ex students. anywhere but the book store.
If you can commute, do that. On campus living is not that great.
Use a notebook and pen. You don't need a laptop or tablet. Tablet and ebooks help but aren't needed. Ebooks can be used on your phone too. You also get the lectures and info better writing them down over typing.
Either go the day before or the day of classes early and find exactly where all your classes are building and classroom wise
get an app called mystudylife. It allows you to keep track of when and where classes are and assignments due. It's free and good for people who struggle to remember things.
Be friendly to your teachers/professors. You'll get a stick in the mud occasionally but a majority are there to help you and if you're friendly with them and show a willingness to learn, they can get you out of a jam.
After seeing this am convinced now that college is a fat hooker.
In some fairness…that college experience was on him. That said, seriously, an English degree? Its not the worst thing you could invest in but its walking that ragged line with, say, much of the 'Fine Arts' classes. (Not that those things are worthless, just that, while supplementary classes can be instructive, you improve at them most by doing constantly until you find an audience. And a degree doesn't seem to help that to a level that makes it worth the cost, judging from the interactions with my friends. Particularly the Graphical artists, granted I don't know how much they really learned in school either.)
seemed to do him just fine tho lol
This guy is such a fake. He's the least funny famous comedian there is. His delivery and style is so bad he can even kill a good joke.
"I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen, and then I didn't" me in every english class ever
i clicked on this thinking that it was about some scandal involving Netflix reneging on its contract with John Mulvaney.
I don't know why I'm watching this on Youtube. I HAVE Netflix.
I realized that a reason I love college is that it’s where all the fun kids my age are. Imagine if it were more common for people more than a bit beyond 22 to be at college. It would completely change the vibe for sure.
Is it weird that I picture Spider-Ham saying this stuff when I close my eyes?
How much money was it again?
Why does college in America cost soooooo much like wtf
He's not wrong…
Ah the US. The magical fairy land of equal opportunity – as long as you have parents who are rich enough to prevent you from going into crippling debt for some basic education.
He makes me feel so happy I dropped out for once <3
"it is a truth universally acknowledged that an alumnus doing well must be in want of a charity foundation" paraphrasing Jane Austen lol
I want to go to college, to like learn stuff and make something of my life. But then I hear this from everyone and I'm afraid.
My brother: hey everytime John mulaney says 120 thousand dollars take a shot.
Me: okay
– 3 minutes later –
Me: I've made some many mistakes
He literally says “hi” and all the white drunk people start wheezing lmao
seriously what is up with american colleges they cost a metric shit ton to go to then want you to "donate" more money to them what the fuck are they spending all this money on school shouldnt be this much of a money pit
Who's thinking about the importance of tuition free universities while watching this? He had money, imagine someone with 120,000 debt.
Netflix got woke and is going broke.
The same ideology you support, my guy. So, you reap what you sow. 😂
This is great 👍🏼
#GeorgiaTech
I feel like John Mulaney is hilarious without cursing, it seems unnecessary to his humor. I didn’t even know he cursed 🤔
I love John Mulaney, but if you spend 120k on college and then remain drunk for four years while blowing the opportunity, it's your own fault, not the college's.
So true… but I didn't laugh at all… but still good commentary
Just go to a trade school. It’s a quarter of the cost and you can actually get a job after 🤷♀️
this is basically my parents toward my school
his delivery!!! i’m screaming the high pitches when he’s mad sjdksjd
What fucking dumbass pays $120k to go to college?
As an English Graduate: valid.
I saw him perform kid gorgeous live, one of the best performances I’ve ever seen in person.
HahHahah f*** you college
Huh good Christian fun. I see why old people love him so much.
wait how much did he spend again???
Dude is a fgt
Is this suppose to be funny???
When you’re watching this and filling out your university enrolment…
This was great!
You know you fell for the same scam when the number looks oddly familiar.
My alma mater is strung out on crack, all they want is $$$$$.
Title is Clickbait-
This rings pretty hollow to me. I love his stuff, but he owes his career to that degree from an elite private university. Would SNL have even given his resume a glance if his degree was from Central Federal Valley State A &M? Plus, he didn’t come from humble beginnings.
Amen amen amen. Brother
This guy sounds like Jon Lovitz.
I feel you, John, and I have said this speech to the letters I get from my alma mater, too, in my kitchen, louder than is necessary.
I thought the lightbulbs on the stage were mid-roll ads at first
I lived like a god damn ninja turtle
🐢 🐢🐢
0:20 Disney to Sony about Spider-Man
What. A. Tight. Set.
Wait how much did he spend on college tuition?
663 dislikes!?
Liberal arts professors I guess
Who?
I just don't get this guy's success…
I was genuinely confused by the title and thought that Netflix cheated John out of money.
ok but did his parents pay?
15.000 dollars?! I'm shocked every time how fricking expensive colleges in the US are. I pay 350€ per semester
While I was studying English, I acted this bit out for a finals exam and my professors loved it
I almost can't laugh at this (almost) because it's so true. At least I'm not American though. I graduated 10 years ago and I still haven't paid a penny back lol.
looking around my college dorm in shame and fear
You know the title looks like clickbate but knowing His life it’s not
When he looked at us I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be here, my soul left by body
🤔 He’s like if Chris Rock had a white brother that was adopted by Jerry Seinfeld. Also, everyone knows college isn’t for smart people! 🤷🏿♂️
In an alternate timeline Barry Allen went to college and studied English.
is it me or does this feel like you re watching a white version of chris rock?! xD
He should think of it as speeding up the equality he wants in the gender pay gap he still believes in.
I'm just amazed at the size of the audience!
John Mulaney Repeats 120,000$ While Pacing Angrily Across A Stage In Front Of Hundreds Of People For 5 Minutes Straight
Wait… did he spend 120k dollars though?
I came here thinking this was something about John Mulaney getting cheated out of money from Netflix. Joke's on me
“I’m playing a drinking game. Take a shot every time he says $120,000. I need to go to the hospital.”
I love him for not bragging about the obviously elite college he went to. A humble celebrity is so rare.
More John specials plssss
He's not lying!!!
You sPEnT iT ALREADY!???
Holy shit I thought John got cheated out of money by Netflix hahahaha
"What Kind Of CokeHead Relative Is My Cooolleeege?!"
"WHERE'S MY MONEY-"
Take a shot every time he says the word money
Spoiler alert: 11
He means his Dad gave them 120K.
This is brilliant. However, he kind of makes the case for a liberal arts education because he is so well-spoken and well-read and clearly a great writer. Sorry, but that is how I feel. He may not have read Austen, but sending this person to engineering would have been a criminal waste.
My money probably went to a pedophile and his co-conspirator's legal fees.
sorry, how much did his college experience cost?
The president of my college started an entire new department at the school for her daughter, and then it took four years for them to fix the bathroom door in the building for my major.
Not funny at all, why is everyone laughing…
I just wrote a joke just like this……..Damn it 😂
3:40
Jesus! That's a HUGE place.