Interview: Catatonic Schizophrenic
– How are you feeling?
… Well. – How long have you been here? … Three months. May 17th. – And what brought you here? … That’s difficult to answer. – Could you give me some idea? … Off hand, I can’t. – Whose idea was it that you come here? … My psychiatrist. – And what happened that ended up with your being here in the hospital? … The psychiatrist decided. That this was the situation for me. – Did he tell you why? … No, the psychiatrist did not. – Has anybody told you why? No.
– Have you any idea why? Yes. – And what is that? I am not completely like… other people. – What do you mean by that? People dislike me because. I am not completely like them. – And in what way are you different? I am trying to do with my life something which… few people try to do. And… this influences my thinking. And consequently my actions. – What is it you’re trying to do with your life? … Play the piano for people. – I am not clear at… – How is it that playing the piano for people has eventually resulted in your being here in the hospital? … I sit differently. When I play the piano. And when I am away from the piano I occasionally look differently. From other people. And this has caused. Dislike. From people. – They dislike you because you sit differently at the piano? … Yes. – In what way do you sit at the piano that people would dislike you? … I cannot describe. An illustration. Of how I sit. – And I can’t imagine it, that it would make people angry at you, or at least dislike you. – How do you know they dislike you? … My father does. And. Doctors do. Because. Of the way. I appear. In relationship to the way I sit at the piano. And occasionally stand when I am away from the piano because of the way I sit at the piano. – How do you stand when you’re away from the piano that they dislike you? … I can’t describe. An illustration. – Does it “feel” to you any different from the way other people stand? … Yes it feels different. – In what way? It… this is becoming too involved to describe. – Would I be right in assuming then that… – you don’t feel that you belong in the hospital, – but that other people did feel that? … As soon as I express the belief that I do not belong in this hospital, which is a mental hospital, then… those who dislike me want to find a worse place for me. – I’m not sure I understand. Could you make that clearer for me? … No. – Is this a way of… … A hosp—Yes, I can. As soon as I express the belief that I do not belong in this mental hospital, then those who dislike me want to find a hospital where the living conditions are not as good as this. – But why are you in the hospital in the first place? I’m not clear. … Because I am working to do something in my life which most people do not do… This influences my thinking. And occasionally my actions. And… A psychiatrist has noticed this. And dislikes…
– What has he noticed? … the actions, and… the thinking, and has decided that I should be here. To change them. – What actions? … How I talk. And how I look. Right at this moment. – And how would you describe the way you’re talking and looking right at this moment? … As other people talk, and that this moment however I’ve been told that it is not the way other people talk and look. – Have you any idea in what way it’s not like others? … No because I believe it IS as other people talk. – So then from YOUR point of view, not from other people’s point of view, from YOUR point of view, – You look, you talk, you think, you behave… as other people do. – You’re very interested in learning to play the piano. – You sit at the piano a little differently from the way someone else might and you stand somewhat differently. … Occasionally I stand differently. – Now that, uh… in itself, doesn’t seem on the surface to be sufficient reason for being in a hospital. – So what other reasons have been given to you, or what other reasons do you understand are the causes of your being here? … I’m supposed to not. Be mentally well. – And what’s supposed to be wrong with you? … No doctor has told me. – That’s hard to believe. … I tell the truth. What are your plans? If things should go well, and you were to leave the hospital, then what? … I need financial help from my father to prepare. Me. For obtaining a job. As a piano instructor. At a university. Where I will be able to teach. People how to play the piano. And also play the piano. For people. – Have you had the training yet to permit you to be an instructor? No I have not.
– Have you tried? I don’t understand what you mean by the…
– Have you tried to get the instruction? … Yes I have tried.
– And what’s happened? … I have not had. The correct environment. For the instruction. Nor the correct financial help for the instruction. Nor… the correct instruction. – Have you been accepted for such instruction? … By some teachers. Yes. – And… by others no? Yes. Again.
– Mhm. It has been about half and half. – Have you started any such instruction with those who did approve of it? … Yes.
– And how has it gone? … With some it has gone well. With some it has not gone well.