I THREW MYSELF A GRADUATION CEREMONY

I THREW MYSELF A GRADUATION CEREMONY

October 23, 2019 0 By Stanley Isaacs


[phone ringing] [phone ringing] One million subscribers! That’s insane. I’m so proud of you, that is amazing! Hard work really does pay off, eh? Or just pure talent. Hi, I’m Elle Mills. And today, I hit a million subscribers. Now, I’ve always said, “Don’t let the numbers define you”, but then again… That was before I hit a million subscribers. So sure, I still live at home with my mom. And I still don’t know how to cook. And I might be in debt. But at least now I’m relevant. And I think it’s only appropriate that we commemorate this very important moment. – Drive, bitch. – I was wondering if you guys have a graduation cap and gown? Do I have to come? Eh? [Prom and Circumstance March music] Hello, family and friends. Please take a seat. [Jay]: We’re sitting. Today, we are gathered here to celebrate
an incredible milestone. Welcome to this- Ah. I messed up. [Jay]: You’re reading a paper. [laughing] Welcome… to this year’s graduation… … from irrelevancy. Please stand and help me welcome… … the graduating class of 2018! [clapping] [clapping becomes slower] Hi guys! 🙂 What? We will now begin… … the diploma distribution. We ask that you hold all applause… until all names are called. [laughing] Elle Mills. [clapping] [Elle’s mom] Awe Here you go. So… Mom! The fuck!!>:( Take a picture! No, that’s fine! And that concludes the diploma distribution. We will now be hearing from the graduating class. The class has chosen a student,
a student to represent them as a collective, someone who they deem to represent them as a class. So, please… welcome to the stage, this year’s valedictorian… Elle Mills! Oh my god! [clapping] Thank you, thank you. The fuck? Good morning, family… and Hassan. I’m so glad you could all make it
to celebrate this truly important day. Now, just out of curiosity, how many of you in the audience are irrelevant? [laughing] Well, I was just like you once, you know, not important… but I’m living proof that anything is possible
if you put your mind to it. Today marks the day I hit a million subscribers. [clapping] Thank you, Hassan. [Jay]: Shut up! I know, Jay, a million’s a big number. Believe it or not, I didn’t get to this point by myself. Oh. I have a lot of people I’d like to thank… Mom, I’d like to thank you for conceiving pure talent. Melinna, I’d like to thank you for dating Mitch, so that I could legally marry him
in Vegas for YouTube views. Jay. And Hassan… 🙂 When I leave those doors today, I will now live life as a relevant person. Something — Sorry, what? And I hope that my success inspires you all. Especially you, Jay.
I’m very concerned about your future. And lastly, before I go, I’d just like to thank the person
who truly made all of this possible: Me. [Jay]: Predictable. I am one talented son of a bitch. And just like that… my big day was over. And what a beautiful way it was to end it. It was at my graduation lunch
that I realized I forgot to thank someone. You guys. 🙂 Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, because if it wasn’t for you, my life would be like Jay Mills’… I can’t wait for the next chapter of our lives together. It’s gonna be fun. I hope you’re excited,
because the Mills family sure is too.