Graduation Commercial – SNL

Graduation Commercial – SNL

October 9, 2019 53 By Stanley Isaacs


>>GRANDMA MIGHT PASS OUT.
>>FOR KICKS OFF WITH THE SPEAKER, AMY MITCHELL WHO
DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO WORK THAT MIKE.
>>SOMETIMES I WISH — AND THAT I COULD STAY AT THIS SCHOOL.
>>FOLLOWED BY VALEDICTORIAN OLIVER KLINE.
THE SMARTEST KID IN CLASS GIVING THE WORLD’S SALTIEST SPEECH.
>>SOME OF US WERE CONSIDERED COOL OR POPULAR AND GIRLS DIDN’T
NOTICE ME, BUT IN A FEW YEAR, BOY OH, BOY THINGS ARE GOING TO
CHANGE AND YOU WISH YOU HAD GOTTEN ME.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CLASS OF 2018.
>>BITTER MUCH?>>I DIDN’T THINK SO.
IT’S TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT. HANDING OUT DIPLOMAS.
ALL YOUR FAVORITES WILL BE THERE WITH GRADS WITH UNFORTUNATE
NAMES AND ASHLEY BRANDT WHO IS MAKING A CONFUSED POLITICAL
STATEMENT.>>GET YOUR LAWS OFF MY UTERUS
AND SAVE THE HONEY BEES.>>AND HOW ABOUT MATT JONES WHO
HAS BEEN TELLING EVERYONE HE IS GOING TO DO A BACKHAND SPRING
AND BAILS AT THE LAST MINUTE. AND WHEN VISIBY PREGNANT SENIOR
COURTNEY KING TAKE THE STAGE, WATCH THAT HIT THE PARENT
SECTION LIKE AN ATOMIC BOMB.>>WHO’S THE FATHER.
>>THE PRINCIPAL MISPRONOUNCES THE INDIAN KID’S LAST NAME.
>>AND OF COURSE — IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
>>AND IT’S TIME FOR DADS WITH iPADS AND NO ONE KNOWS WHICH
PHONE TO LOOK AT. SECRETS WILL BE REVEALED LIKE
WHEN YOU REALIZE THE PARENTS ARE LIKE NORMAL?
>>HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?>>AND THEN LOOK, THERE IS A
SENIOR HAVING DRAMA WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND WHO’S A SOPHOMORE.
>>I DON’T WANT TO DATE COLLEGE GIRLS MUCH WE ARE NOT GOING TO
BREAK UP, OKAY?>>YEAH THEY WILL.
>>A DAY TO REMEMBER, BUT THE ONLY THING EVERYTHING WILL
REMEMBER IS WHEN THE PRINCIPAL FELL OFF THE STAGE.
>>DEFINE THE TERM GRADUATE.>>THE JAMES MADISON HIGH SCHOOL
GRADUATION. YOUR GRANDMA FLEW IN FOR THIS.