Freshman Year Survival Guide

Freshman Year Survival Guide

September 1, 2019 25 By Stanley Isaacs


If you look up “freshman advice” on YouTube, you’re gonna get a lot of these beauty gurus telling you all these nice, uplifting bits of insight. The thing is though: they’re beauty gurus. They all look way too good to be giving practical advice for most kids. High school was a cakewalk for them. They look incredible. They’re all holding phones in their videos. Why are they doing that? Most of the embarrassing stories are like dropping books in a hallway, oh how traumatic. Do you wanna know my embarrassing first day story? I leaned against the wall, and I accidentally triggered the fire alarm. That’s actually a lie that didn’t happen, but that would have been a good story gloss if it did happen I’m entering my senior year. I went to normal Public high school Fancy Charter school and even a cushioned alternative school for the criminally insane I’ve been around and I’ve seen every single kind of freshman there is and you want to know what I have the most legit pointers That you can find anywhere else on the internet. There’s no need for Wikihow with me guys This is your one-stop-shop on how to survive freshman year, okay? Are you buckled up? Radical. Do not stress out. Do you realize how silly you’re being by worrying? Yeah, it’s your first day Yeah, you have no idea what to do This is something totally new but guess what you’re entering with the new wave of kids who are just as lost and scared as you are. Are you have to be a moron if you think that you’re the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on you have to be An even bigger Moron if you think that the schools don’t realize in prep for this – feel free to get lost feel free to Not be able to open up your locker feel free to walk into the wrong classroom Everyone is expecting you to – this is the free period Where you can get away with this stuff your concerns are lost in a sea Of other people’s concerns you do not matter The first day is kind of like the hunger games where you have to dress to impress Eventually all you guys slaughter each other. Everybody’s nervous, they take it way too Seriously everything that happens is forgotten in a week and eventually everyone you know is dead Do not stand in the middle of the hallway if there is something that these beauty gurus all got right, It’s that you’re not supposed to be a human Roadblock when everyone else is trying to get past you stick to the walls or go to the bathroom if you need to stand still? Dummy Keep your head low in the first day and observe. What’s the lunch Situation like where are your old friends? Who look like new friends? What’s the atmosphere in every single classroom? Get a lay of the land. Be strategic and come back tomorrow guns blazing with better knowledge of what’s up? Please for the love of God keep good hygiene. As a freshman you gotta smell fresh since you’re still a pubescent troll You’re not allowed to go weeks without showering until your junior your depression hits do you want friends shower first, then we’ll talk Get involved in stuff like a nerd whether you’re planning for college or not? It’s super cool to have extra stuff on your resume later on Employers eat that stuff up plus half the clubs at your school are probably going to Disney World in a couple years anyway You’re probably thinking along too old for Disney World. That’s not fun anymore Yeah you want with your mom and siblings try going to Disney world with a group of your Seventeen-year-Old friends down the road that is a thousand times more fun. I Get it you’re on Youtube right now. You’re on the internet You’re probably home by your the gulimero Social guess what you should probably leave your house at least once a week quit spending most of your time inside most of the stuff that you’re actually going to remember from this time period Our adventures you go on with your friends. Break into neighborhood pools Write dirty words on the inside of that abandoned boarded up house in town.
Walk around past curfew That’s half the fun of being a kid just don’t do anything to hurt yourself or anyone else, and you should be good Date everybody. Date girls, date boys, date non-binary folks Experiment break up get your emotions drop-kicked into mount doom of mordor Here’s the thing you’re still young you’re still a baby you’re going to value some experience under your belt when you’re ready to get legit in a Few years Do not be cocky sit the frick down. Son. You ain’t all that you were just in Middle school like 15 minutes ago Don’t bother scrapping with the upPerclassmen they don’t care and they can see right through your cute little swag charade go sip on your juice box with the rest of your Peers until you get your act together Do not good seniors if they say you’re so mature for your age run if they say you’re not like other freshmen run It’s all lies. It’s all fake it’s all cheap 99.9% of the time they just want to do the hanky-panky vibes with a 14 year old and leave you in the dust because you’re Still an easily manipulated baby. They’re savage they have no heart and they have zero chill Do not send nude pictures for the love of God every picture of yourself that you send is equivalent to handing a loaded gun to Somebody what happens if they form beef with you that gets dropped on Instagram and suddenly everybody knows where your boobies look like if you’re extra lucky cops will get involved and You know sending pictures of your fourteen-year-old ding-dong is low-key illegal as frick Do you want to get thrown onto one of those sex offender registries knock on all the doors in your neighborhood when you’re 40 years? Old your hair’s falling out Hello, ma’am. I moved in down the road. I’m just letting you know that I’m a registered sex offender. Oh, really What did you do? I sent booty face to my senior boyfriend in Freshman year But it’s okay because I know that he loki loves me deep down and he leaked my pictures neat guy matt. It’s okay It’s fine even though it’s bothering all the babies of my fortune your friends at the time It’s I understand a lot of y’all are going to do this anyway Don’t even bother listening to me why even watch this video if you’re not going to do what I suggest at the very least Do not include your face in anything, but love of God don’t oh don’t be a little Don’t get pregnant if you’re doing the heterosexual sex lives with you’re not seeing your significant other make sure that there’s some protection going on Condoms pills any of those other fancy alternatives. They’re all good and they cost a lot less than a human baby I promise you kids cost a lot more than you’re able to afford flipping burgers at that fast-food restaurant down the Road Breakups they are going to happen. I promise you and they are going to hurt They’re going to sting and they’re gonna build character in you feel free to lay on the couch Cry for day eating cookie dough you’re totally allowed to it’s encouraged just don’t do anything stupid like alcohol drugs Self-harm no guy or girl is worth ruining your life over you silly goose Especially when you’re still a baby and the heat of the moment, it’s important to remember 30 years down the road You’re not going to be single and hopping around bars thinking yourself man This dude was hot and stuff, but he’s not as great as that senior who slept with my friend when I was 14 He’s the reason I can never trust anyone again last and most importantly I’m I’m going to sound like your parents for a sec watch any other video on the subject on YouTube And they’re all going to tell you to focus on your schoolwork Why? Because it’s the only thing that actually Matters to them when they’re making the video I get it all the social stuff is the most important thing in the world I pinky you happy’s because you’re chilling with aren’t gonna be in the picture in a few months high school is dramatic That’s why there’s so many movies about it Everything changes at a rapid pace, and that’s kind of half the fun the drama is intense and importunate in the moment But in a couple weeks, it’s going to be totally insignificant I can’t even remember half the stuff that went down my freshman year But I do remember the high and low emotions that were associated with them Consider your years in high school is like a beta version of your life as you mingle You’ll work you eventually realize that everything is meaningless and then you burn out Here’s the thing though the stakes are low right now You’re technically not legally responsible for most of your actions until you turn 18 So use these formative years to experiment do crazy stuff while you still can because once you grow up It is significantly less fun If you’re just now going into high school chill out if you’ve been in high school for a little bit You’re still new get with a program and get your act together if you’re not in high school And you’re just watching this video to relive your high school days get over it old man your youth was fleeting And you’ll never get it back your shallow attempts of reliving it are pathetic that is inevitable nothing you do matters There’s no afterlife you cannot return hey, it’s 2:20 in the morning, and if you enjoyed this video subscribe, and it’s nice I’m sorry I’ll try harder next time. Maybe while you’re busy doing that you click on that Bell thing-a-ma-boob and your phone will shake every time I say something the choice is yours dude lady Non-binary individual oh my God. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow it can be painful. I’m just