EVERY TEACHER EVER
– Class, we’re gonna try something
a little bit different today. No books, no homework– just ideas. O Captain! My Captain! (student screams) (desk bangs) – Awesome. – (narrator) Every teacher ever. – Mr. Berke, can I please
go to the bathroom? – I dunno, CAN you? – Fine. May I go? – I don’t know, may you? – Yes, I can physically go to the bathroom. Now may I please go? – Whatever. Just go, I guess. (panting) – Never mind. – (narrator) Every teacher ever. – Chapter three: Your Vagina and You.
– (student) Psst! – Really, ladies? Passing notes. Let’s just see what was so important
it couldn’t wait until after– Oh my god, are you serious? (hushed) Katie is such a bitch slut! Stick around after class.
Like,we totally have to discuss. – Wait? What? – That slut what?
– Huh? – Sorry, whore what?
– I-I don’t. – Basic bitches what?
– Really? – Sorry, whore what?
Slut what? – (narrator) Every teacher ever. – All right, guys, before we get started, we need to have a conversation
about safety, m’kay? You need to be safe around saws OR THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! (students gasp) – (laughs) I’m just kidding, guys. But for reals, you need
to be careful while– (saw buzzes)
(teacher shrieks) – (narrator) Teacher. – Okay, class, so none of you want
to be inspired by poetry. I get it. So how about we… watch a movie! Oh-ho-ho! Teach is cool. – Why would we watch a movie? – We came here to learn, dickhead. – What the f*ck is wrong with you guys? – (narrator) Teeeeach. – And don’t forget that you
have essays due on Thursday. Class dismissed. I’m so happy you stayed after class, Bobby. I think we can learn a lot from each other. – Uh, cool, but can we hurry it up? My parents are throwing me
a surprise 18th birthday party. – Wait… you’re 18? – Y-Y-Yeah. – (disgusted) Oh my god. Too old! You disgust me. – Was that a pop quiz? – (narrator) Chalkboard! (blowing whistle) (blowing whistle)
– (teacher) Seriously? Give me the ball. GIVE ME THE BALL! All right, now, this is how you peg a dweeb. Give me the ball!! Give me the ball. One more, come on! (growling) You’re going down! (laughs) – OH! (groans) – YEAH! WOO! HA HA! I am the coolest f*cking kid in school! YEAH! (breathing heavily) – (narrator) Every teacher. – All right, class, today
we’re going to talk about being safe when we have intercourse. – Uh, too late, bitch. – (narrator) Mr. Teacher. (loud smack)
– Eyes on your own paper, Mr. Thompson! – Ow!
– No backtalk! Showing our ankles to the public,
are we, Miss Lancaster? – Touch me with that ruler
and it’s your job, old man. It’s 2015. You can’t get away
with that sh*t anymore. – That sounds precisely like
something a witch would say! – Wiiiitch! Witch! – She’s a witch!
– Witch! Witch! Witch! (girl squeals) – (teacher) Take her away!
The trial is at dusk. – A witch!
– What the hell?! (teacher cackles deviously) – (narrator) I don’t get any
of these jokes because I’m homeschooled! – Man, teachers are lucky.
They even have the lounge. – Man, I bet it’s so awesome in there. – (groans) Forget it. OH! Hot! Hot! Hot! (sighs)
(food sizzles) (smarmy chuckle) (shrieks in pain) – (narrator) Every teacher ever. – (Anthony) Hey, guys,
thanks so much for subscribing. Click the video on the left to watch
bloopers from this video and this: (warbling) (girl laughs) – (Ian) And click the video on the right
to check out Every Break Up Ever. – I’m just not gay.
– You’re not gay? – For you. – (Anthony) And if you’re
on a phone or tablet, all the stuff we just mentioned
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