Ep 1 “The Icebreaker Cometh” – Overthinking with Kat & June

Ep 1 “The Icebreaker Cometh” – Overthinking with Kat & June

October 26, 2019 38 By Stanley Isaacs


( music playing )Look at this crap.Corn syrup and chemicals.America’s disgusting.Big Soybean is killing kids
in Iraq and we’re all,
“Who cares as long as I get my
yellow dye number four flavor.”
When are we gonna wake up?Oh! They have hamburger flavor!Delicious!Will my skin benefit from this?I can never remember.I think if I put yogurt on top
of my skin it’s good,
but if I eat it, it’s bad?Like it increases testosterone.But I do look really cute
eating yogurt
or I feel cute.Excuse me, did you just eat
a piece of dirt? – No.
– Ew! That could’ve
been anything. – I didn’t.
– Yeah, you did. I saw you eye a kernel of filth
and then choose to eat it. It was a raisin.
I left it there a week ago. It’s fine. It’s mine. – Oh, we’re together.
– Oh. Sorry, I didn’t realize
you guys were friends. – We’re not friends.
– We’re roommates. –Uncomfortable.
Horribly awkward.Complete opposite.
Roommates.Both:
What’s wrong with his eye.
( music playing )Mmm. So good.Oh, my God,
a kernel is lodged in my gum!
I’d rather be dead than this.Oh, got it.Mmm. Salty sweet.Oh, God, she’s here!Gotta go.Oh, why she home so early?– Oh, hi.
– Hello.Why does she always meet me
right at the door
and out of breath?
I– I brought you popcorn. Okay.Ugh! Getting used to a new
roommate is the worst.
So, how was your day? Fine How was your day? Fine.I have social anxiety at workand now I have it at home.
Great.
Why isn’t she walking away?Is this the appropriate time
to walk away?
Both:
I’m gonna go watch some TV. Both:
Damn it.
Both:
Great. ( indistinct TV chatter )What if I choose something
too lame or something too edgy?
Will it seem like
I’m trying to be edgy?
Just shut up
and take the plunge, June!
Woman:
How dare you double-cross me,
Agent Rick?
Now you have to have sex
with me… next to this bomb.
Uh, chose a porn.All right, play it off.These movies are so funny. Oh, dialogue, I mean. – Woman:Yeah.
– Oh, man.What is happening?Are we casually
watching a porn?
That’s it.Okay, I can’t do this. Good.
I don’t like porn either. No, I mean the awkwardness.
Porn’s great. Oh, yeah,
it’s my favorite show. Okay, if we’re gonna
live together, I wanna, like,
get to know each other.But when people get to know me
they don’t seem to like me.
Yeah, that sounds great! Cool.
I know just the thing. What does friendship
mean to you?Boundaries,
very strong boundaries.
Openness. What does friendship
mean to you?Pooping in front of each other.Pooping in front of each other. Oh. Where did you get this
again? Oh, it’s a questionnaire
written by scientists that you can do with a stranger
that makes you fall in love. ’cause of science. Wait, are we, um,
trying to fall in love? It’ll probably work
for roommates, God! Okay, do you have a secret hunch
about the way you will die?A pale, bug-eyed man
strangles me in the shower.
The police come too late,
but strangle me as well.
Um, you know, just like regular
old-aged death stuff. You? Well, I’ve always felt
that I would never die.Like a toddler
or a cult leader.
Hmm. All right, well,
I feel like I’ve really
gotten to know you. So, time for bed. Wait, but I haven’t fallen
in love with you yet. We gotta fast-track
this friendship, okay? ( whispers )
Okay. I got it.
We’ll throw a party.Parties are my hell.I love party. I’ll invite my theater friends,
Molly and Tessa, and you’ll invite
your regular people friends
like, well…Do I have to name people now?– Like…
This feels like a trap.– Trap.
– What? Von Trap, last name. Beautiful singing voice. I’ll invite many people.If she really knew me,she’d find out
that I have zero friends.
That can’t happen.Now I gotta invite people
so I seem normal.
I never did cross off
“Make Friend” on my checklist.
This is going
to change everything.
She will never bond
with me.
I’m gonna bond
all over her.
Man:
Medicate, regulate, dominate.
Gyrphknod Pharmaceuticals.
Mmm-mmm-pills.
Isn’t this new marketing video
so trill? – It’s so trill.
Trillest.It shows that Gyrphknod
is not like other
pharmaceutical companies. Martin Shkreli gave us
a bad rep. I met him once
and he said I was pretty.Beautiful, perfect Tiff.What a video.I’d die to have her
at my party.
I’m so glad
you like the video. Of course I love the video. I showed it to my boyfriend
Steve last night and he didn’t tear up
because his father
emotionally policed him from a young age.
It’s a whole thing. But he said that he wanted
to tear up, and that’s awesome. That is so Steve.I also know
that is so Steve.
June, stand up
and invite Tiff
to your party.
You’re an adult
with a job,
and you don’t have
a pet rat anymore.
Here you go!– A little overwhelming.
– Hello, party! I’m coming! – ( nervous chuckle )
– Oh. Hi, June. I gather you’re
throwing a party. I’ll totally come. Hey, wouldn’t it be funny
if I brought my office mug? And drank out of that
but at a party? You’d see me
and you’d be like, “Wait a minute. Am I at work?” ( laughs ) Uh-huh.Baby steps.Take your time.
You’ll find it. What was my mantra again?I’m so lucky to have such cool,
artsy, big-titted friends.
What if June has sex
with the one I had sex with?
Then we can talk about his big
balls until the cows come home.
Here we go.This is gonna be classic Kat.“We shall never escape. There is no exit. Or we could,
yes, exit to Kat Souza’s super, cool party
where everyone will have fun and probably kiss.” Wait, did somebody change
the scripts? I did! It was me! Oh, gosh. Sorry to interrupt
rehearsal, Barry, but I wanted to invite you guys
to a classic Kat rager
on Friday night! – ( cheering )
– Wait, Kat. Did you reprint all 30 script
for this one joke? Wow. That’s more effort
than you’ve put
into the whole play. ( sighs )
Thank you. – So you guys gonna come?
– Yeah, yeah, we’ll be there. Angelica? Will there be like
a fun specialty drink? Does the Bachelorette need
vaginal rest between fantasy suite nights? Uh, yeah. So. That show is perpetuating
archaic gender norms. You are. That’s you.
Classic Barry. See ya there! Shouldn’t we buy some chips
or something? No. People don’t like snacks
at parties. It makes them feel
like children. They like cigs and boobs, and like maybe
tabloid gossip. We can use these
as conversation starter
decorations. I think that might be
sort of a downer. Good call. We don’t want our men sad.
We want ’em rock hard. Oh, God. David Landlord. Oh, he’s in my phone
as that, too. – He’s so pretty.
– And handy. And a widower,
which is… –…hot.
Sexy.– Just horrible.
– Sad, really sad.June so has the hots
for our sad landlord.
I’ll help her out.David Landlord. Oh. Hi, girls. June Gloom and I are throwing
a raging party tonight. How raging? A quite respectful
level of rage. But also like
really loud raging. – We’re wondering
if you wanna come.
No, no, no.They’ll be booze
and no snacks. Uh… possibly. – I haven’t been
to a party since–
– You don’t have to say. No, I do.
Since Judy died.Oh, there’s nothing sexier
than a man working
through things.
– Well, we’ll see you there.
– Okay. – Maybe.
– All right. Well, we’ll definitely
see you there, then. – Still a maybe.
– Hey, hope you like limbo!June is so happy
David’s coming.
David’s coming?
I can’t take that!
I’d rather the bug-eyed
strangler.
Hey, how many people
you got coming? I’m looking at 30 to 80. – What about you?
– One. And a half,
because technically
we both invited David. Wait, you only have
one friend? What are you,
some weirdo
with a pet rat?Oh, my God!
She’s sniffing me out.
( nervous laugh ) Yeah, right. Oh, rats are gross. And so soft and so gross. No, I have many
friends coming. – They’re just
not confirmed yet.
– Okay, I was gonna say–Where am I gonna find people
to pretend to be my friends?
Oh, my God. Did you know
that they’re shooting a “Monk” revival
in town?That’s it!
Extras.
I suddenly have to go.
Good-bye. What? June. You’re not gonna get anywhere
near Shalhoub. – Hey, guy–
– Sorry, lady. You’re not gonna get anywhere
near Shalhoub. No, uh, I was wondering, um, how would you like to make
the same amount of money sitting and pretending
but with alcohol? – Ooh!
– How much alcohol? – So much.
– I’m on the wagon. So little. What about cake? Extras love cake. Whatever you want,
just come. I mean, if everyone else
is gonna go. – Cody, wanna go?
– Sure. Cody’s in. – Okay.
– Okay. ( cheering )What does a normal person
wear to a party?
A bold lip
and a kitten heel?
What is a kitten heel?Whoa! You’re not wearing that,
are you? Jesus, how long
have you been here? Chill, I’m getting markers,
baby! How do you know
where my markers are? Oh, well, I sit in here
while you’re at work. Just to think.And fart.I knew I’d seen little Cheeto
handprints on my wall!
Hey. If you wanna look good
for someone, I don’t know who, I can help. A-do this! What are you–
What are you pointing at? The towel you’re wearing! It’s spicy. Hot tamale,
I’m sweatin’. Maybe belt it? Okay, no.
I’m– I’m not doing– I want to look like
a sophisticated lady. – Not a shower lady pers–
– Shush, shush, shush. If someone, possibly David,
comes in here. He’s totally gonna
be like, “Aoooga.” David would never “aoooga.” He’s a dad,
not a horny cartoon. Oh, he’s gonna “aoooga,”
all right. – ( thudding )
– Oh, the twins are here! – I’m scared of the twins.
– Don’t be. ( whispering )
They sense fear. – No, I got it.
– Hey. – Hey, friends!
– Sorry we’re late. – Tessa has ringworm.
– ( June gasps ) Oh, my God! Aw. Gross. I’m scared
I’m gonna catch it. You can’t catch ringworm!It’s extremely contagious.So pumped for your party. – I’ve been itchin’ to rage!
– Yeah. So bummed we have to leave
early for night court. Yeah. Sucks. Guys, leave June alone
so she can pick out shoes – to wear with her towel.
– I’m not gonna wear– And then we gotta work
on transforming my room to the infamous
“Chill Room.” – Yeah.
– Yeah, chill. ( chanting )
Chill. Chill. Chill?♪ I got nothing to lose ♪♪ But a poor excuse ♪♪ I got my hands
in my pockets ♪
♪ And, oh, my God, I’m gone. ♪And done. How’s the Chill Swing? Fully operational! Nice! Wait! Oh, radical! Good touch, good touch! ( sing-songy )
How do I look? June, is your one idea
of a sophisticated lady the one pretty girl
from “Guess Who”? –Damn it, it is.
– ( doorbell rings ) – Guests are here! Whoo!
– Whoo! – Whoo!
– Wee!Please let this go okay!( music playing )Oh, I thought she was joking
about that limbo thing.
June, introduce me
to your friends. Which ones have
you slept with and are any of them available
for me to sleep with, too? Oh, no.
Oh, okay. Good. Um, uh,
but this is Larry, and his son, Cody. – Larry is–
– An extra. Hi.What is he doing?
He’s blowing it!
Extra special to me! Larry is
my favorite neighbor from my last apartment
on Main Street Avenue. Yup. Mm-hmm. Sounds… fancy. It was fancy, but also mostly normal
and very average and completely socially
acceptable. Like me.
I never had a rat! And this is
my best friend, Eve, – from college.
– Hi. What fun times we had,
huh, Eve? Crazy fun. June and I,
we used to party hard. You know, drank with men,
drank with friends, drank alone.
Lied about drinking alone. To myself.
To my family.
To the judge. – I lost custody of my–
– Okay, and that’s everyone. Hey, what about me?
I’m Bobby! – Hey.
– This is Bobby. From work!
Remember? Well, it was nice – to meet all of you.
– Nice to meet you. – Kat: Yeah.
It’s working!I’m tricking her
into thinking I have friends
like a regular person.Take that roommate
who’s trying to get to know me!
Well, my friends should be here
any minute now. So…Why aren’t they here yet?( music playing )Okay, maybe parties
aren’t so scary.
I’m actually
almost comfortable.
– Hello?
Not comfortable!Bottom clenching in fear!– David!Too much.
– Hi. Uh, I brought you this
California cab. That’s– thank you. That’s so nice. Um, do you– do you want me
to pour you some? Uh… sure. Or you can have
a Kat Drink. No, thank you.
I’m good. I– I don’t love sugar. It’s not sugar,
it’s pop rocks. – Still a no.
– Save them for your friends.Is that a dig at me?I’m sorry my friends don’t come
right on time at loser o’clock. ( nervous laugh ) Okay.( music playing )( both chanting )
Night court! – Twins: Adios.
– ( mimics alarm ) Hey, we heard some chick
June’s throwing a rager. It’s a Kat rager, God! Ah, this is my ultimate
Frisbee team. We share a brotherly
kind of love. But also carnal. Lotta blurred lines.More June friends?This is not
how it was supposed to go.
And look at her, rubbing all
her friendship in my face.
( music playing )( cheers )Wait a minute. They’re all
at a different party?
But they’re supposed
to be at this party.
Those backstabbing
mother ( bleep ) are gonna pay!
( music playing )Here he comes.You can do it, June.( exhales ) This wine is great. Is it making my teeth red? You’re not– You gotta open your mouth. It’s a joke, see.
I ask you to look
at my teeth, but then I don’t open my mouth. Get it? Mm-mm. How are mine? You do get it.Am I flirting with a man
at a party?
Who am I, Lauren Conrad?( screams )
What about mine?She fell off the wagon.And the wagon ran over her.– Eve: Oh!
– ( glass breaking ) – ( doorbell rings )
– Oh! That must be my friends! I mean, our friends,
right, June? Woman:
Party people!Our house is filling
with strangers!
Don’t have enough trash bags
or toilet paper or other
anxiety!
Kat will know what to do.Well, well, well! A theatre full
of Brutuses and Judases! Oh, Kat, hey. Hey, yourself! What’s all this? Oh, shit. We forgot about your party. – You forgot?
– We were just hanging out after rehearsal
and lost track of time. We were gonna text you. Yeah, thought you forgot? We were gonna come. Which one is it? – I mean, it’s neither.
– It’s, like, nothing. – Yeah.
– Yeah. I wouldn’t
even think about it. – It’s like, do you want a beer?
– It’s not a big deal.It almost feels
like they don’t want me around.
Maybe they don’t like me.Nah!
They just hate themselves!
I just wanted
to, uh, dis-invite you.Time to leave gracefully,
head held high.
Snacks at parties. Babies!This is getting out of hand.And I have such weak hands.I need to kick them out.Larry! I need you to kick
these people out. I can’t. I’m not used
to speaking roles. A swing! Eve, no!
No swinging. Just a little swing. No, just stay
in the Chill Room, okay? Just… chill.Where is Kat?Hey, June,
I think I’m gonna go… – Oh, bummer!
– …into The Chill Room. This has actually been
not that bad. Being out in the world
feels good. I’m feeling good. ( screams ) Oh, my God! – Okay, there it is.
– June: Eve! Eve! I said no swinging! – I didn’t!
– Uh… you guys are gonna pay
for that. I mean, not like
“pay for that.” – But I’m–
– No, I know what you meant. I am so sorry. It’s okay. You can put stuff
in here now.I’m gonna shut
this party down.
Right…Nope, I am a coward.I hide instead.– Kat!
– ( grunts ) – What the hell?
– This is where I come
to I think, God! Why would you throw a party
and then leave me here alone? Oh, well, you were just fine rubbing all your friendship
in my face. I lied, okay. They’re not my friends.
They’re extras that I hired. Extras? Why does everyone lie to me? I’m cuckolded again
and again! I lied, because I don’t
have any friends. You don’t have any friends? Like, you’re completely alone? Okay, I wouldn’t go that far. Well, twist my butthole.
( clicks tongue ) That’s great! My friends not showing up isn’t nearly as uncool
as having to hire them. Okay, debatable, but, Kat, I need you to harness
your abrasive nature
and kick everyone out. You’re blunt
and it’s extremely off-putting, but also very effective. So you need me to be here? Yes! Okay. I guess
I’ll help you, then. You know, this is the most I’ve heard
you talk since you moved in. Well, I guess
I’m getting mildly comfortable around you,
because you’re so…Ridiculous.
…honest. Oh! I’m getting comfortable, too,
because I feel so…Brave.
…brave. – Hm.
– You know, I always knew
I would save the day. Okay, but you also technically
started the day– I’m saving the day!
Whoo! Fine.( music playing )– ( music stops )
– ( people groan ) Everybody, get
the ( bleep ) out! Party’s over!
You’re all losers! Go! – Okay, that’s a little
abrasive, but–
– Get out! – June: Yes.
– Kat: Get out! – What? And what? And what?
– June: Leave, please. – Thank you for coming.
– Get out! David, get out. – What? I– I own this house.
– Get out. Get out! – Thank you so much
for coming.
– God. ( exhales ) What’s that? Uh… right. I was gonna tell you
about that. Nice! I’ve always wanted
a little Boo Radley hole to keep my treasures. It’s okay, little bro. I guess there’s only
one last thing to do. Fix the hole. Nope. Limbo. How low can you go? ( singing )
♪ How low can you go? ♪ ♪ How low can you go? ♪
♪ How low can you go? ♪( man groans )Okay, June you’ve gotta get
more comfortable watching porn. It’s good for your brain
and groin. I’m not a prude,
I just– I find the men
so unattractive. – I don’t know where to look.
– I get that. I focus on the boobs. Thinking they’re my boobs.
Try it. – Man:Ooh, yeah.
– Woman:Uh-huh.Woman:Yeah.No, Kat, I–
I’m down to hang out. – Just not like this.
– Okay. June, I guess there’s
one last thing to do. Oh. You already said that, and then we played limbo.
For hours. And then I was winning,
and you suddenly said
time was up– Okay, second
to last thing to do. Looks like June
“Make Friend.” How’d you find
my checklist? I told you. I like hanging out
in your room.I’m glad that’s in pencil.( woman giggles )– Woman:Yeah.
( man moans )– Woman:Uh-huh. Yeah.
– Man:Oh, yeah.( man moans )