College Tour: Brown University

College Tour: Brown University

November 10, 2019 1 By Stanley Isaacs


Welcome to beautiful Providence, Rhode Island,
home of Brown University!
[Picture of University building] I’m Bruno the Bear. I’m from Rhode Island, and my people eating
days are way behind…uh….
[Guy running away from Bruno] I mean, they never happened. I never ate…twelve people….nope. Ahem. So just where is Rhode Island?
[Guy with a magnifying glass looking at a globe] Time to break out the magnifying glass there people… Rhode Island is the smallest state in the
nation and it’s tucked right under Massachusetts
[Rhode island is highlighted on the map] on the east coast. As you can probably guess, a small state equals
a small school. At around 7000 students, we’re
[Small building in a field] on the small end, but what we lack in size
we more than make up for in history and prestige.
[Huge dinosaur next to the building] And you know, trying hard. Yep, that means we’re old.
[Old guy with a walking stick] REALLY old. Brown had already lost all of its baby teeth
by the time the US was born. Founded in 1764,
[Kid with teeth missing] we’re definitely one of the old kids on the
block. But hey at least we’re not geezers like some
other schools. I’m looking at you, Harvard.
[Guy with Havard name label looking unhappy] We may be in the old Ivy League-er club, but
amongst our peers we’ve developed a bit of a reputation as an Earth-conscious, granola-hugging,
tree-eating, outdoor-loving school.
[Girl wearing a hippy outfit] And we deserve it. Brown’s an open-minded
place. We were the first Ivy League school
[Bruno meditating] to accept people of any religion, after all. And we’re not kidding, ivy league school used to restrict by race, religion and a bunch of other things Go look it up, not pretty history Unsurprisingly, politics here lean pretty
liberal, and that mindset extends past just
[Donkey stood next to a statue of a horse] our thoughts on government. In 1970, we changed our curriculum to get
rid of some of the mandatory general education
[Girl in the hippy outfit, saying math is cancelled] requirements you’d find at most schools. We did this because we wanted students to
be the “architects of their course study.”
[Architects in suits wearing hard hats] That and we save tons of money on guidance
counselors. Sorry there guys… But let’s get to why you want to go here:
to brag to your friends, family, enemies,
[Kid cheering that he got accpeted to Brown University] and pretty much anyone who’ll listen that
you got in of course. Right? Yeah! Ivy League baby! All the way! Or the stellar academics, those are nice too.
[Guy highlighting in a book] This is a top rated school. We offer
bachelor degrees in 70 concentrations- which, spread over only 7,000 students, means you’ll
get a lot of individual attention.
[Bruno saying he is majoring in hibernation analysis] My advice is to try and find a concentration
with no other students. That way you’re
[Bruno graduating] guaranteed to be top of your class. We also have 50 doctoral programs and 28 master’s
programs, ranging in everything from molecular science to acting and directing. If you want
to direct a play about a molecular biologist,
[Sheldon wearing robes] you could probably find a way to major in both. In addition to the undergrad and grad programs,
there’s the Alpert Medical School, the School of Public Health, School of Professional Studies,
and the School of Engineering.
[Pictures of each school] Whew, that’s a lot of programs. Don’t worry,
before you sink into a Jack Nicholson “all
[Jack Nicholson next to a typewriter] work and no play” nightmare, we do play. We
play a lot here. There are over 300 organized student groups
at Brown, designed specifically for playtime
[A medival marching band] in any which way you like. Clothing mandatory however. We also have the third largest university
sports program in the country, sponsoring
[Bruno wearing a football outfit] 38 different varsity teams. Crew, anyone?
Water polo? Yeah, pretty good. If you’re attending Brown, chances are you’re
rowing your way to the top of your field.
[Old guy in a rowing boat] We’re proud to have produced 7 Nobel Prize
winners, 65 Rhodes scholars, and 8 billionaires. We’ve educated the likes of Julie Bowen, John Krasinski, John D Rockefeller, Ted Turner, Horace Mann…
[Names of alumni popping up] And, most importantly, Hermion- er Emma Watson. I’ve heard that she’s the brightest witch
of her…er, student of her age.
[Girl looking angry] Yeah we love you Emma. So if you want to figure out how to change
the world while walking through some beautiful foliage on a brisk New England day, you owe
it to yourself to join the Brown Bears.
[Guy asking Bruno for a degree] Which again, are not to be confused with any
actual brown bears…who would probably try
[Bruno in a science lab] to eat you for lunch rather than educating
you in microbiology. …Not that I’ve ever tried that…
…Ahem.