BREAKING INTO THE ROOFTOP (Roommate Stories)

BREAKING INTO THE ROOFTOP (Roommate Stories)

August 22, 2019 100 By Stanley Isaacs


I’ve only lived in a college dorm for one semester. Person: But why though? What’s the point of doing that? For the experience of course. Cause it’s hard out there man. But wait! The whole process of moving into the dorm wasn’t all that easy. It literally costed me Trump’s arm and leg just to stay there for four months. Okay, maybe not literally… But it wasn’t like I was one of those rich hypebeast sneakerheads who could afford $10,000 shoes whenever. I get the struggle of trying to pay off living anywhere in the city. So I figured I should get my money’s worth and make my time there awesome and only awesome! So without further ado, let me introduce my three roommates don’t ask about the nicknames. This is diva. She’s the posh girl She loves chitter chattering on the phone late at night rating Disney guys out loud late at night [cough] and makeup if she’s watching this right now. She’d probably be saying Diva: oh my god. I’m so done And now she’s probably giggling. This is Megatron. She’s pretty chill overdoses on sarcasm but was done with our shit a long time ago and last but not least bubbles She’s giddy happy and one of the most positive people I’ve met She loves Korean dramas and told me she wanted to marry a hot Korean guy when she grew up at one point She wanted to be a maid because she loved cleaning but that was when she was a kid and her parents scolded her for having A dream jokes on them cuz she still loves cleaning so they can suck it (I don’t mean that) I was more than a week late from the other students from moving into the dorm So this was an unpleasant surprise for my roommates. The elevator was broken So I had to walk eight flights of stairs multiple times to get all the luggage from the car What the hell did I pay for? Elevator maintenance diva and bubbles greeted me from the couch As soon as I entered and insisted that they had helped me move my stuff see they were watching that’s So Raven Which is a pretty good show, so I don’t really feel like disrupting them I unpacked my things upstairs where I shared the room with Megatron. She wasn’t there at the time she came back later that night. [Tabbes] Hi Alrighty then she stared at the things I brought and setup huh? Oh, yeah this I got to make videos and stuff So I brought this whole microphone set up with the screen tablet and everything else. I forgot to bring my pen though [Megatron] You brought everything but the pen? then she stared at the two bowls and one plate I brought [Megatron] what are you gonna do with two bowls and one plate put potato chips in it? Where are your utensils? Are you gonna eat with your hands? Huh? she asked a lot of questions Also two balls in one plate sounds like the start of a bad porno. No, she’s right I don’t know why I Expected everything to already be here considered the amount paid I had to learn my lesson one way or another the next morning. I was feeling hungry I had a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread. Okay, cool. I’ll just cook some eggs Turn down the heat put the eggs in a pan and waited for it to sizzle until I could flip it But then I realized I don’t have anything to flip it with except my hand. Yeah No, I wish I could just flip it casually and get it back into the pan with my eyes closed, shit Guess I need to go to CVS or some place real quick to get some discount utensils So I just left the eggs sitting there miserably on its own and left by the time I came back Bubbles was sitting on the couch. [Bubbles] Is that your half raw egg chilling on the pan? She probably came home. So confused [Egg] Help me! [Bubbles] What the fuck? you girl got some weird ass looking eggs better not contaminate my food, though Or we gonna have some trouble around here. There was no spatula at CVS So I ended up half flipping my egg with a fork instead. I didn’t get the sunny side result. I wanted but some burnt scrambled looking dog food instead Fun fact I used the same frying pan to boil water because my ass forgot to bring all the utensils moving on I like to pretend I’m in a cheesy music video. Sometimes my bed was right next to the view of the city So, you know what, I would do almost every night, that’s wrong I would press my hand against a glass window put on my headphones and then it starts getting a little sentimental. ♫♪ But you’ll feel better when you wake up, swear to god i’ll make up, everything and more when i get back someday ♪♫ [Megatron] Hey! Hey! you’re dirtying up the window I can see you hand prints [Silence] [squeak] [Megatron looks at Tabbes in total disgust. ] Pretty sure right after I left she cleaned all of it with Windex and enjoyed her own view. on snowy days It gets especially worse because then I bring out the ultimate weapon my guitar. ♪♫ Look how they shine for you, and everything you do ♫♪ [Megatron] Yo! I’m trying to sleep here I gotta wake up in four hours you better go play in the bathroom or something Unfortunately, it’s just not the same serenading a toilet. What am I doing with my life? Here’s another thing about the window I slept next to it was nailed shut. There are always these little screws preventing anyone from opening it all the way I mean, I guess they did that because they didn’t want anyone to fall off accidentally But I wanted to enjoy the view straight from the rooftop. You feel me the one time I snuck out using a screwdriver Great, I broke it. Well, there’s no turning back now My roommates were panicking and telling me to hurry back inside So I did and what a bunch of poopers I decided to wait until they were all gone for the night to sneak out bring my pillow and blanket to the rooftop and Sleep there. I didn’t see any camera so I was good woke up the next morning stretch my arms feeling refreshed and I forgot I was surrounded by apartments in broad daylight people were probably looking at the window and thinking [Random Person] what’s that crazy bomb ass looking homeless girl sleeping on somebody’s roof top. Isn’t that illegal? Should I call the police? I should call the police [Silence] But I won’t cause that not work I wasn’t about to take any chances. I wasn’t ready to get kicked out under any circumstances So I rolled back into my dorm window like a donut. will I ever do this again? Probable. The first time we all actually hung out together as a group which was clearly a mismatch, by the way We decided to go to Duane Reade to buy some snacks and enjoy it back at the dorm It was interesting to say in the least first We had Megatron over here on one aisle comparing sizes of Kit Kats and figuring out what was more worth it for the price Even though the difference was like 30 cents apart. See I ain’t judging I just think it’s not worth taking 20 minutes to pick a bag of candy. Listen. It’s not that serious Let’s just pick one and go Shh, let me figure this out. I look away for one second I look back and she’s being extra This girl dead ass just sat on the floor and took out a calculator to compare unit prices like this was math class or some shit [Tabbes] you cannot be fucking serious right now. Do you? Do you just carry that around everywhere? [Megatron] I don’t expect normies to understand. I look to my left and see Diva taking snapchat selfies trying on all the Halloween masks in the store. [Diva] Oh my gosh. I look so pretty [Tabbes] Why do you need a hot dog filter for this? [Diva] duh? Cuz it makes you look skinnier. [Tabbes] Wait, really? [Diva] No, the dancing hot dog is just the hot dog. I can’t believe you actually believe that you stupid cinema Oh my gosh, let me try the flower crown on this mask [Snap] this Is so fetch, I’m totally gonna share this with my friends my god It’s like the first time you’ve been to a pharmacy the employees were eyeing us Suspiciously now and waiting for us to leave the store while this crazy hoopla was going on in the background But fortunately bubbles was also catching on Megatron was still sitting on the floor wasting her brain cells on two kit kats that were pretty much the same size I went over to her and offered to buy the bigger bag because we were not about to hit the 30 minute mark on this Drugstore math session she swiped both bags and took off as fast as Usain Bolt yelling I’m gonna buy it myself .Bruh. what just happened what she flipped me off like that. Why is she running? The guy looked like he was gonna kick us out of the store any second now So I rushed to diva took her mask off and pushed a Megatron to the cashier to buy the bag of Kit Kats and left We didn’t have much to say after leaving the store since there was not much self-awareness going on But I knew from that point this group was gonna be fun as hell to hang around with we all had our share of causing troubles Individually like that one time I literally ditched my roommates were Panicking because I was missing for half an hour when I was actually just being a fat ass and eating a hotdog at Costco food Court that story’s gonna be saved for the next video since I have more to share. Soooooo see you all next time [Tabbes outro]