Academy Anecdotes (School Stories)

Academy Anecdotes (School Stories)

August 31, 2019 66 By Stanley Isaacs


Hey there, Fredrick What you doing? Oh, hello brother of mine. Why, I’m just studying for a math test tomorrow. Braxton brother, shouldn’t you also be studying for the test? Well, you see Frederick, due to my high levels of apathy, and the stress of knowing that I’ll never be good at math, I’ve decided to completely give up and even trying to do good on the test. (Look of disapproval) So, what are you gonna do instead? Oh? I’m just gonna go watch some YouTube videos. SKOOL SUCKS! Especially MATH. When will I ever use geometry/trigonometry/calculus (When you’re bored) In the REAL world? (never.) I think you’re only saying that because you’re bad at geometry/trigonometry/calculus Why is everyone so quick to hate on math? Math is easy! How many essays did you have to write for math class? Oh that’s right! e^{ipi }+1. Which is zero. One thing I would change about math class, is I think it’s dumb that you have to “Show your work”. [ugh] Do you know how much harder it is to cheat when you have to show your work? “Dear Math, solve your own problems.” Tweeted MatPat. “I HATE MAT!” Replied ProTayToeGamer. Hey, that’s not very nice of you, ProTay! All he did was tweet about math. Maybe what you really hate is spelling. Or maybe you really do hate MatPat. Well, two can play at this game! When will I ever need to know about the themes and symbolisms in “To Kill A Mockingbird” when I go into “the real world”? That’s right. Never! You don’t need to know anything to be in “the real world”. Okay, I think we can all agree that a lot of what school teaches you isn’t that important, and there’s definitely more important things schools could be teaching you. Like taxes or… …how to pick a good president. (I wish we did) But I’m not the one who makes the curriculum so why am I even talking about it? Regardless of how broken your education system is, you should always stay in school, kids. (Oh hey Dave) I was a good student in school, not counting college, and look how I turned out. I’m not using everything I learned in school almost every day! Sure, you’ll probably never need to know that much about Shakespeare’s plays. But hey, now you know how to read old-timey complicated books! And, no, you’ll probably never have to find the area under a curve ever. But, now you can say that you can! And isn’t that what life’s all about? So, enough with this introduction, I’m gonna be telling you all some of my School Stories. What do you mean Jaiden already made a video on school stories? Jaiden: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS! Did she call them school stories? *sigh* I already stole from her like two videos ago! Okay, just… I’ll think of something. so, enough with this introduction, I’m gonna be telling you all some of my… Academy Anecdotes. So you know how guys can pee standing up? It’s amazing. Ladies, if you’ve never peed standing up, then you’re missing out! But there are some rules that apply with having this superpower. Like, don’t go to a urinal right next to another guy, unless it’s absolutely necessary. Or, if the urinals don’t have a divider, Then everyone can all agree to keep your eyes and mind straight. These rules have been taught to us at a very young age. By the time we were in elementary school, we were all pros at peeing. Except for some of us when we were asleep. But, that’s not important! So at this point in life, We all should have known what we were doing. But there’s this one kid who I guess no one ever taught him how to pee correctly. This kid, I’m not gonna say his race because it doesn’t matter. But when he went to the bathroom, he would pull his pants and underwear all the way down to the ground. Some of the ladies watching this might be thinking: “Wait, is that not how guys pee?” Ladies, you’ll just have to trust me on this, But that is the most wrong way a person can pee… The first time I saw the kid doing this was when I was in the urinal right next to him. “PEE FASTER!” screamed the remarkably uncomfortable James. As us 2 bros were peeing, A 3rd bro walked into the bathroom, saw this kid’s…. bottom and just went, “OOH!”, and walked out of the bathroom… I wish I could have done the same. How do you tell someone: “Hey man, when you pee like that… everyone can see your butt… so just…. Here, let me show you how to do it.” I don’t know what happened to that kid, but I think he would agree with me that math is easy. He was Asian. When I was little I had a very weird sense of humor, so in the fifth grade, there was this girl I’d known for a long time, we weren’t strangers, or anything and one day I said to her: “you have two big blue zits, right there.” And I pointed at her eyes, I was talking about her eyes, I called her eyes zits, GET IT??!! She, uhhhh… Immiediately slapped me. Probably because that joke was so awful. And that was the first time I ever got slapped by someone, who wasn’t a family member And yes it was Priscilla, the girl I sat next to in the Cardboard Boat video. She “claims” that the slap was an accident and that she was just trying to fake slap me to scare me. But, I think she was just really self-conscience about her eyes zits. One time, My 6th grade teacher, (who was the same height as all of us), threw a stapler across the room, because we wouldn’t stop talking. Here’s an anecdote about the first time I got detention. And, it isn’t that exciting. I was in the 7th grade and our class was at a computer lab. The kid sitting next to me, his race doesn’t matter so I’m not gonna say it… …Asian, kept changing the computer’s wallpaper to cats and he kept showing me. To be fair, I thought what he was doing was hilarious. Then, I asked him, “Can you change the background to Chuck Norris?” That just goes to shows you how long ago this story took place. He showed me what he did, I laughed but then the teacher said, “Who’s changing the wallpapers?” She was able to see everyone screens from her computer. The kid said: “Me and James were!” Dude! Don’t bring me into this! You were the one changing the wallpapers! I mean, I was involved a little. But, don’t drag me down with you! We ended up getting detention, except my school didn’t call it detention, they called it “C.A.R.E”. Which, I’m sure is an acronym for something. If it wasn’t an acronym, that would have been a weird thing to call detention. Let’s just say it stood for: “Cids Are Really Extra”. The whole time I was in C.A.R.E I kept thinking in my head: “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, if they see you cry you might as well move to China!” And that was the only time I got detention. Except, it wasn’t called detention. So, I still have a clean record! Alright, here’s the last anecdote. This one happened when I was in the 11th Grade. I was in a AP U.S. History class and I had it for a 0 hour. So that meant I was at the class before school even started. And I was way too tired learn about Presidents. I was sitting in class, when all of the sudden, I sneezed very loudly. And it was an above average sneeze, like one of those sneezes you had to lean into it. And after I sneezed this kid near me said, “Ay, yo, Mr Teacher, can we get some tissues? This boy got a bloody nose.” And I thought: “Oh shoot! I do?! Well, that sneeze was pretty violent and I did picked my nose a few minutes ago.” And then the teacher looked right at me and said: “Oh yeah, you can just go to the bathroom.” So I got up and as I was walking to the door. I felt my face and realized: “Wait a minute… I don’t have a bloody nose!” I turned around, and there was a kid who actually did have a bloody nose walking towards me. I’m not gonna say the race of the kid because it doesn’t matter… Canadian, but I was in a pretty awkward situation, so I punched myself until I actually DID get a bloody nose- nahhhh I’m just kidding. What I really did was I said out loud, “I have to go to the bathroom, too.” And, then, I left. I didn’t REALLY have to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want to see another exposed butt, anyway. So, I just waited outside awkwardly for a long time. I got an A in that class, by the way. If you were wondering. I still don’t use anything I learned in that class. Mmm… Before I begin this endcard, I just want to say that I got some brand new shirts and sweatshirts up in the merch store. Just in time for Thanksgiving. MMM! Look how snazzy those shirts look! Don’t you just want to buy them? Oh and also this Harry the Moth shirt comes with a Harry the Moth pin. I’m thinking about releasing some more pins in the future. so just keep out on the lookout for them. I want to explain a joke in the video, because it was very funny and you won’t get it unless you know the context. Remember that part where i said: “Right, Dave?” And it cuts to me and some guy in the soundbooth? Well that, dear viewer, was another youtuber named “boyinaband”. Who is probably most famous for being idubbbz’s ghost writer. but he also made a pretty popular video called: “Don’t Stay in School”. So as I said: “And that’s why you should always stay in school, kids!” it cuts to me and Dave being like, “Right, Dave?” And it’s funny because… he made the.. don’t stay in school… it’s actually a pretty good video, I agree with a lot of points in that video. but, as I said in my video, I don’t make the curriculum, so… I don’t care. *laughs* Thank you, RushLight Invader for helping color the pictures. He’s going to hopefully be doing that forever now. I’m really tired.. and wear your seatbelts!