A week in my life: University Edition
*Sigh* Oh my god shut up. Good morning my dudes. This week I’m gonna show you what one week in my life looks like, university workouts and everything. Not gonna lie, this week is pretty loaded for me, I have a bunch of things going on, So I thought it’d be cool if I’d film my death. (lol) Today, I have all four of my classes: Calculus, Physics, Chemistry, and Algebra. I’ll see how much I’m able to film because I obviously don’t want to film in class. I mean, I don’t want the Church of Scientology knowing which university I go to cause I can’t go through that again, But yeah, we’ll leave here in a little bit. I’m gonna make my breakfast soon so that I can take it with me and eat it there, And then we’ll see where the day takes us. Should be fun. Not really. (mood) So once I’m done drinking my morning tea and milk, I head downstairs where I say “Good morning” to my minions and then it’s time for meal prep. Not gonna lie I’m giving the whole avocado tortilla thing a rest for the time being. I want to expand my taste buds and I found out that the tortilla I was buying had soy in them, And I’m really not out here trying to grow an extra pair of boobs, so I’ll give it a pass for now. That being said, I grilled some chicken with the world’s tiniest George Foreman grill (what time is the meeting at?). I have a George Foreman grill. Anyways, at this point the clock was screaming at me to get to school, So I packed up my provisions for the long day of torture ahead of me and off to school I was headed. Now my dad has taken over the “driving the Joana to school chore” this year, Which I’m grateful for if it wasn’t for the roller coaster ride that is my dad’s driving. It’s like trying to hold on to the back of a Jeep as it drives through the Rocky Mountains. Like motion sickness, “Hi, how are the kids?” So it’s now 11 a.m, I’m eating my breakfast/lunch. Calculus, honestly, was what I expected. It’s been about, like, four weeks since university started and I’ve come to the conclusion that Calculus is just a mess. The teacher, you know, he’s a cool dude, but he does wander a lot, if you know what I mean. Now, I’m gonna go to Chemistry, and then I have Physics and Algebra. Let’s get going. To Chemistry I went. What happened in that class beats me. Then to Physics, where we learned about waves and how everything is essentially one big wave (better learn how to surf my dudes), And finally Algebra, where the professor struggled to keep the class’s banter to a minimum for the thousandth time. Then school was over. My dad picked me up and we went to, who would’ve guessed, *~the gym~* Now mind you, I’d forgotten to pack a snack for myself that morning, So it was after my workout where I paid dearly for my sins. I’M RAVENOUS. I’m so hungry. I could eat a horse–actually forget a horse, I could eat the Loch Ness Monster. Would you believe it if I told you that I had a dream where I stuffed a cauliflower? I know, crazy, isn’t it? So naturally, I had to do it in real life. Was I biting off more than I could chew? Maybe. The plan was to stuff it with egg, Okay the more I talk, the crackheadier it gets. So I cracked an egg, mixed it with an absurd amount of basil and then listed The Magic Bullet to make the world’s most disgusting mixture. Oh, but don’t forget to cook that cauliflower; no one likes a raw vegetable. Then it was time to cut some stuff up. This is a leek, It tastes like an onion screaming across a very long hallway Oh, and don’t forget the red onion. Contrary to the leek, this tastes like an onion screaming in your face, And I put all that trash back into that grotesque egg mixture and did my best To make a homogeneous solution of poison. Oh no, the lactose intolerance has really come out to play, hasn’t she. I wanted to cover the cauliflower and cheese, so I shredded some. My God, that thing has its own gravitational pull. She’s so tall she has to wear men’s size 13 Nike. You see, this is where you should have stopped, Joanna. What the heck are you doing? No, no. No, I refuse. Burn it, BURN IT. I can’t DEAL with it, Joana. Stop it. Babies are DYING because of this. Joana whAT HAVE YOU DONE? Oh my god, STOP IT. No, boycott it, return it. I can’t even–what have you DONE? *Sigh* Screw you. Hi, So I’m back from my run. I’ve made a big plate of “what the heck is that”, and I’m about to devour it in like two minutes My breakfast, yesterday, I was a little bit hungry after I ate my breakfast so I decided to add some, Broccolis And A peach So yeah, I like to eat my breakfast in complete and utter darkness in, like, one corner of my room. Um, Don’t ask me why. Now Tuesday’s are by far the best day of the week because I don’t have class, But I do have a Chemistry lab. We explode stuff, measure stuff, snort stuff, It’s loads of fun except for the fact that we use gases and often, that means that it smells like a fart. The other not so fun thing about these labs is that I have to wear these safety Goggles over my existing glasses to make for the superhot look coming to a city near you. Talk to your healthcare provider for more information. Oh my gooOOOOood, That was a real calorie burner. You see the thing about labs, you know, they’re generally really easy, But it’s always so stressful for no reason. Anyways, now I’m waiting for my dad to come and pick me up. I’m gonna have this stuffed spaghetti squash–I know, what is up with me and stuffed vegetables, I’m really going insane here–and then I’ll go to bed. *Joana noises* It is Wednesday my dudes. So today, what’s happening and what’s on the menu? Well today, I have essentially the same schedule as Monday, but last period today I have an Algebra test I was up late last night studying, Not gonna lie, I’m pretty terrified Now my classes in university are about an hour long In high school, my classes were each an hour and 15 minutes long And for some reason, those 15 minutes really make a big difference when it comes to test day, like, honey I’m writing as fast as possible. There is steam coming out of my hand. But yeah, I’m just preparing my breakfast now. Why do I look like a blueberry? You want to see something repulsive? I mean, it’s hard being a chef that goes to school, like, whoa It’s lunch time my dudes. Unfortunately, I forgot my mini microphone so we’re gonna have to deal with this up close and personal stuff. It’s almost time for my Algebra midterm, I’m gonna go in there, guns ablazing. Wait, that’s not–I can’t say that I’m gonna go in there with a good mindset and I’m gonna write that test. My dudes, it’s been nice knowing you. Mixing that avocado with the broccoli was not the best of my ideas. I would like to introduce you all to my Algebra textbook, I call her Trisha. The only difference between her and the real Trisha is that she won’t confuse you with her gender mathematics AnYwAyS time for chemistry. How’s it going Albert? Have you figured out where the hell we are yet? We’re getting anxious here Oh, yeah, I have an Algebra test At 1:30 p.m that day, I wrote the test And let me tell you, it really ruffled my feathers. Holy moley ravioli canola oil, that was a roller coaster. Not gonna lie the test was, like, really easy, For the first 20 minutes I was so nervous at, like, everything I read didn’t register But then I did a couple of these: *heavy breathing*, if you know what I mean. Things started to make a little bit more sense, but yeah, thank god, that’s over with. Can you guess what I did next? No really, take your best guess.. I went to the gym! I did a handful of these, a sprinkling of those, a teaspoon of that, a pinch of those, a gram of that, a dozen of them, thing one, thing two and thing four, and a slice of that Good evening my dudes. It’s now 9:00 p.m. Hump Day is over. I pretty much just did homework for the rest of the night, So now it’s time for me to go to bed. I’m gonna fall into a deep slumber and be awoken in 2,000 years by that stupid Prince Charming. I mean seriously, He couldn’t have told me that the spindle was cursed before I pricked my finger, Like, what a meathead. Tomorrow is probably one of the busiest days yet, But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I’ll see you in 12 hours, toodles. Why are you the way that you are? Good morning. It’s just past 7:00 a.m. Today, today is a mess. From 8:30 to 9:30, I have a Chem tutorial. She goes over pretty challenging questions, Makes sure that everyone’s on the same page even though I’m, like, 30 pages somewhere else. And then I have, like, two minutes to run across campus for my Physics lab. The lab today, *Ahem* It’s on thrust and friction. That sounds violent and I’m kind of scared. And then I have an hour break and I’m gonna eat probably lunch. By the way I’m eating breakfast now. I don’t usually eat it this early because bold of you to assume that I’m gonna go through a Physics lab and a Chem Tutorial on an empty stomach. Haha, you’re really funny. Last night I was really delirious–so delirious that I, by accident, clicked on Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” video, And I just started laughing so hard, like I don’t even–what was so funny about the video? It’s just a bunch of– Ok, we’re not gonna talk about that. Yeah, that’s where I am right now. So I used good judgment today and didn’t mix everything together. Anyways, let’s get going. You know, Thursdays are curious creatures You want to be happy that Friday has almost arrived, but you still have one day to go. In fact, what if our weeks were just all Fridays, would that subsequently make every day Monday as well? That’s like 10 steps in the diagonally wrong direction. Anyways, I sat in Chemistry, soaking up the chemicals until 9 a.m, when I got up and sprinted across campus to my Physics lab. I didn’t film anything in the lab because that’s illegal, But the only notable thing was that I was the only one in my station, which was a dream come true, Because I could be my antisocial self for the next three hours. Flash forward another four hours and I was leaving school. I must have blacked out along the way because I woke up with the world’s tiniest butternut squash in my hands, Like what the frick is this? Who birthed it? Where did it come from? Leave me alone. Right now, it’s just past four o’clock; things are about to get serious. Tomorrow is Friday and I have my first Physics midterm. Most likely, I’m gonna study the entire night. This is really good. I have eight chapters to study so that’s fun. So from then on I studied, and I’ll spare you the boring details cause I’m pretty sure no one cares, But one thing did happen that I wanted to share with you all. At 8:00 p.m my mother made her dinner and accidentally made too much broccoli, So I stole some and made a nutritional yeast sauce that’s supposed to fool you into thinking you’re eating cheese. But that really ended up biting me in the foot because an hour later I had an allergic reaction (I think to that yeast). My face was all red, it was a look–but a dangerous one at that–so I don’t really recommend it. *Sigh* Someone get the Londonhead(?) out of the room, please. Fridays, the comfort blanket of the week; except that this is neither calm nor comfortable because I have a physics test. I sided my other three classes just waiting for that fateful test to come and when it did, Boy was it an experience. It went a little bit like this: I walked in, sat down, wrote down my name; everybody was calm. Then everybody in the room looked at the questions and it went silent. No one had the faintest clue about how to solve those gosh-darn problems. I mean, after reading it like seven times the puzzle started to come together, but do I know if what I did was correct? Nope, but after that was all over and done with, I went to the gym where this happened: Hi there, so just a quick little moment. I’m at the gym, and this huge spider just, like, descended from the ceiling, Like Spider-Man, Spooty-Man type thing. I almost gagged. Oh my god, it’s huge. Okay, I can’t even see it anymore. Where did it go? I think this is a good enough excuse for me to just, like, not work out. So it’s now 4:30 p.m, I’ve just finished at the gym and it’s time for my favorite part of the week: I get to go *~grocery shopping~* When I was a kid and my mom would drag me along, I hated this activity, But now that I’m an “adult” (in quotation marks), and I’m ravenous 24/7, this is by far my favorite time of the week. So we’re gonna go to the grocery store, buy a bunch of stuff I don’t need, and then head home. Yes, I love this. The excitement I get is ridiculous. I mean, is it probably a phase? Yes, but I’m gonna enjoy it while I can. You know, the grocery store is where I really find my stride. I make quite a couple good decisions (and some bad ones). There are so many different colors, smells, textures, shapes, dimensions, portals to the underworld; you really find it all here. Things I purchase include: So we have some brains, some mold, a tumor, the best fruit on the planet, a couple ovaries, a stick of bad breath, some cow piss, and some chicken boobies. After that, I just went home and ate dinner. If you’re wondering what happened on the weekend, I edited this video, But no one wants to see me get into a fistfight with iMovie, so I’ll spare you the details. But anyways, that’s it my dudes, that’s the end of the video. I’m sorry this took an abysmally long time to go up. I just couldn’t film anything last week, I was just too exhausted, so. Thanks for letting me take a week off (if you know what I mean). Next video is gonna be a wild one, just letting you know. Maybe a painting video, you didn’t hear from me though, so. Love you so much. I’ll see you in the next one. Stay funky, stay spunky, and stay spicy. Toodles.